A
female
age
30-35,
*hatiswrongwithme
writes:Sorry for re-posting this, but I have not managed to get any answers before.My boyfriend has decided to live in another country, as he's found there some really good educational and professional opportunities. I am still a student myself, went to university overseas, but before we got together I had my heart set on going back home and starting a different degree, as I was pretty miserable with both being away from home and my choice of degree.However, I started reconsidering things as our relationship progressed.I'm extremely in love with him; I truly believe he is my soulmate.In the months we were together (almost a year), I started feeling less depressed about my degree and my life away from home and started considering sticking to this career path and looking for a job here. I was in fact truly happy.I can definitely see myself with him long term and living together after I graduate. I know he loves me, yet I understand he cannot sacrifice a brilliant professional future for me. I however, do not have any stable career prospect to hold on to at the moment.I have not yet managed to secure a job here and I am concerned about this. I believe I would have better chances of employment by going to my home country and switching to a completely different sector (what I originally wanted to do).It would be safer, though it would take much longer and I would also have a much lower income at the end than I might be able to earn elsewhere.There's also the fact that I love my country and my family.But choosing home would mean losing him, which I'm not sure how I would handle. My life was a disaster before him, so it'd not like I lost my independence/personality by getting into this relationship; in fact, it helped me a lot.Sorry for the long post; I'd appreciate some insight into this. What have people done in similar situations?
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female
reader, whatiswrongwithme +, writes (11 January 2013):
whatiswrongwithme is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for your answers. It is not unfeasible (most people try to get employed in the country where they went to university).
I met my boyfriend at university overseas and I am thinking of staying with him in the country where I did my degree. It is indeed risky in case I do not manage to find a job (but at least it's not following someone blindly somewhere else).
The other option is going back to my native country, where I could stay with my parents/ do another degree if I need that in order to find employment.
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (11 January 2013):
 I'd try to listen half to my heart, and half to my head ( difficult, I know ).
Because, true, you are young and yours is the age to take risks, but it has to be a reasonable risk, not a mindless , blind leap of faith.
If I got it right, you are from country A, studied , and are now living in country B, and you want to follow your guy in country C.
Ok, but how exactly feasible is that ? Would you need a visa ? a sponsor ? a permanent resident permit ? how would you go about getting these things ?... How easily would you find a job in your field there ? Are all your credentials recognized there ?
If you don't find a job right away , who would be supporting you ? Your bf ? Your family ? Do they know, do they agree ?
What if ( touch wood ) you and the guy should break up, are you the type that can pick up the pieces and make it on her own in a foreign land, or would you have to run back home, leaving halfway the career you might have started there ?...
I am saying this not to discourage you , just to stress, that, in love or not, you need to have a workable plan, and don't just trust that " love conquers all ", because, at the end of the day, that's not quite literally true. Love is important, love helps, supports, makes things easier big time, ... but ultimately is only one of the factors for a fulfilling life.
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