A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Please can somebody explain this to me...a few years ago when my son was 4. his father decided to cut contact. He pays money each month through the csa but doesn't have any contact with him.his girlfriend has a baby nephew and she is posting pictures on facebook of him holding the baby and calling him 'uncle *****' and this has made me very angry as i finf it heartbreaking and dis respectfull towards my little boy.how can a man be so heartless as to put his own son through this and think its acceptable to play families with someone elses child???it just doesnt make sense to me! im heartbroken, distraught even for my son even though he hasnt seen the photos or read any of the rubbish i feel it is a huge betrayal all over again!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 January 2013): Not everyone should have a relationship with their child, if that requires coming into contact with a toxic ex-partner. I'm sorry but it's better for the child not to have a relationship with his biological dad, than to have some relationship with the bio dad AND end up also getting lots of baggage from being exposed to what goes on between the dad and the mom.You also can't force someone to want to have a relationship. if he doesn't want one, then let it go. He is sending money and that's all you can really expect in this is situation. You have to be prepared that at some point in the future he will get married and have kids with another woman and be the dad to them that he isn't to your kid. Some times people just can't have relationships with their biological children because of the ex-partner being part of the picture. Some day you will find a better guy who will treat you and your kid well, and will step up to the plate and be the (step) dad to your kid that your ex isn't and never will be.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 January 2013): You should be grateful that at least you are getting some money from him via the CSA because most men immediately become unemployed when they have to pay. This child that he is holding is not his but his sister's so don't feel upset about it. I am sure if you are calm and don't cause unnecessary conflict with the man that at some stage he is going to want to have contact with his child. I can feel that you are hurting - is this because you want him back to be a family or are you just angry that he is not wanting to see the child? These things tend to calm down over a few years and then he will want contact. Often the men won't keep in contact or ask to see the child because of having to deal with the mother and they will fore go any contact at all as they can't cope with the confrontation. Very weak of them but true. My friend had a son and the partner left and then after the maintenance was sorted out and the dust settled a bit and she had stopped texting and contacting him - shouting etc he did want to see the son. I am not suggesting for one moment that you are doing that but time and serenity seems to heal all these kind of things. Also stop torturing yourself and delete him from facebook. Not healthy at the moment with the feelings that you have.
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A
female
reader, oldbag +, writes (11 January 2013):
 Hi
Well the first thing you need to do is stop checking up on him on FB, block the accounts you can see him on and find something else to do.
He is paying you money for him every month and who knows may one day regret not having his son in his life,not getting to know him.For now though just accept thats how it is and be a great mum for your son.
Yes it hurts you alot but you need to focus on your life not his and any random child he has a photo taken with.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (10 January 2013):
 He can't do full time dad. It's too suffocating and it drains him. He believes being no dad is better than half ass dad. He wants his child to forget his existence rather than to miss him when daddy can't be there. However, being an uncle it's okay because he can leave anytime without guilt. He is also impressing his new girlfriend about his apparent paternal instinct, which he doesn't have at all.
He is acting as if you don't exist. He is just paying money to abide by the law. You have to pretend he doesn't exist, treat him as such that means no more checking on him on facebook.
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