A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My BF and I have been together for about 4 years. We have been living together for 2 years. Before we moved in together, we were long distance for about 7 months. We had the understanding that we could sleep with other people, but once we settled in those poeple would not be around.He had made a friend while we were apart and she was still his friend when we moved in together. I am fine with him having female friends. She moved away a few months after we moved in together but came back for a visit at one point. He offered her the couch, which she ended up declining and I ended up never meeting her. I mentioned that she seemed to never follow thru with hanging out if he mentioned me being there and asked if she was interested in him. He said she wasn't and even if she was her privates were ugly to him. Basically he busted himself out with that! I asked how he knew what they looked like and he said they'd played around one night before I moved here; she gave him a BJ but they didn't have sex. I told him that meant she wasn't suppose to be around. This put a dent in my trust in him, but we worked it out. It has been over a year since all this and we are great. I know this makes him sound like a jerk; you'd have to know up to understand why this wasn't a deal breaker and we were able to work it out.She has since moved back. He doesn't talk to her unless she contacts him and he does tell me when she calls. It irritates me that she txts and calls him occassionally. It mostly irritates me because I know the reason she moved is because she caught her BF kissing another girl and she trashed the girl's car over it. If she would do that over a kiss, why does she have the nerve to call my BF? She knew about me when she gave him the BJ. She knows well enough to not feel right being around me. I'm thinking of calling her about this and having a little chat woman to woman, but I wonder if that is over board. She only calls about once a month, and it is never flirty or provoking. He doesn't call her and he is up front about it when she does call. I just don't like it and wish to tell her to drop off. Should I?
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 February 2008): The air really needs to be cleared on this. Ask your boyfriend if he did actually have sex with her and in what circumstances. You say that she broke up with her man: there are two possible reasons why she's calling your boyfriend.She could just need to speak to a friend or she could be looking for a repeat of the BJ. You won't know unless you ask your boyfriend.It seems to me that he's been pretty honest so far, so it shouldn't be a problem to get him to talk. Good luck!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 February 2008): I am the OP. I did wonder about if it was just a BJ or more. Either way it was when we had our agreement and both took liberties of said agreement. His reason for not telling her to go away are:1- he doesn't call her and is upfront about when she calls him. This checks out. Our cell phones are in my name and I receive the bills.2- she is a cutter. he doesn't want to make her feel bad and then hear she is cutting again so he would rather her just eventually get the hint when she takes note that she initiates contact while he never does.As for him bringing her around and becoming friends with me.....well if I wanted that we wouldn't have agreed to get rid of anyone we had around during the LDR part. He tried to pull a "Bill Clinton" and didn't think she counted as it was "just a BJ"
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A
female
reader, didapoo +, writes (17 February 2008):
 First, your guy needs to do it, girl. You need to tell him to make her quit. If he wont end this, then maybe you need to do some inspecting of your own? Then give her a call, and see if maybe you are being played a little. And why wont he? If he doesnt want to be around her, then he should have no problem with it. Dont be mean or accusatory, if hes as good as you say he is, he will understand. If he says to stop calling, and she does, then you can take matters into your own hands, and tell her yourself, but MOST women dont call a man all the time if she knows that he is taken. Just a thought. She might just want to be friends, and that would be OK, but I think that she needs to make an effort to hang with you too.Hope this helpsDidaP.S. He had sex with her if you ask me. He doesnt like her privates? What is that? Maybe that should be brought up too. That means he took the time to LOOK.
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