A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My fiance and I are to be married in 3 months, 7 years together and 3 children later but I have this nagging feeling of should i be doing this. We argue alot, more then ever since we have been planning our wedding. we cannot agree on anything and I wonder should we just go our seperate ways. There has been lack of trust in our relationship but we have agreed to work it out because we want to be a family. I dont know wether I am just having cold feet - nervous jitters or really i need to be calling it off? I feel in so deep I'm just totally confused.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 May 2012): Advance apologies for being impertinent, but shouldn't you have resolved your trust issues, nagging feelings and other assorted doubts about marrying this guy BEFORE you had three kids with him?At this point you can't "go your separate ways," he's tied to you as long as he remains the father of your children, which is for life. Since you're not married it's easy enough to leave him (and vice versa), but because you have kids you'll never be able to get rid of him. He has a much right to be part of his kids' lives as you do; married, shacking up or otherwise.
A
male
reader, IHateWomanBeaters  +, writes (11 May 2012):
 i agree with dougbcall...
people here don't say someone should end a relationship because they hate relationships, they say that, because we believe in people finding the right relationship.
If you feel this is not the right relationship, don't pretend that it is.
You know what you have to do for yourself and your family.
If the two heads of a family are always arguing, it is a very toxic environment. A lot more so than two parents that happen to not be married.
Doing the right thing for yourself AS A MOTHER is doing the right thing for the family, and the person you are thinking about marrying.
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A
male
reader, dougbcoll +, writes (11 May 2012):
 a relationship is built on trust , its a foundation.
you should marry the person you can't live without , not the person you might be able to live with.
you should know that you don't want to live your life apart from them.
you may need to slow down and talk to your fiance, and get pre wedding counsel.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 May 2012): Think that both you and your fiancee attend couples counselling to sort out these issues.
They will not go away once you are married, so rather sort things out now.
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