A
female
 ,
anonymous
writes:Hello Folks, A few months ago my best friend and I stopped speaking to each by my decision. She started her own busines a few years ago and I was there for her helping her all hours in the night and morning. Assisted her with her kids etc. She and I became even closer so much so that her husband began having issues with how much time we were spending together. We've been friends for years and I was a bridesmaid at her wedding. Her business has since taken off and she actually has become pretty famous for what she does.We celebrated in so many ways as my career took off the same time as well. I needed to do something for a guy I was seeing which she specialized in....she made it a huge deal even saying that I needed to place my order the way it was supposed to be placed instead of just calling her. And that I should have been grateful that she was willing to do it for me as she doesn't do small orders anymore. Needless to say...I was paying for it full price and got pretty pissed that she couldn't help me out by doing this for me and took my business elsewhere after telling her how much she changed since her financial and business changed. We haven't spoken since March of this year.Lo and behold, she saw my mom and told her how disappointed and hurt she was that our friendship is in the trash can and how she is sooo hurt that I took her off BBM Messenger. Now I didn't take her off BBM Messenger, I just moved from Blackberry to I Phone..hence no BBM. But in her brain...I took her off BBM. Mind you she is still on FB and Whatsapp. So I listened to the crap she told my mom and left it at that and carried on with my life. Fastforward 1 month later and I hear she is talking about me again with a mutual friend of ours. This mutual friend is a guy who she tried matchmaking me with years ago and instead of being in a relationship, we became beautiful friends. I am very close with his mom and apparently she told both him and his mom that I had a boyfriend and went on to explain several things about this boyfriend that I have....embellishing as she went along. Now whether this guy and I decide to move into a relationship eventually or whether we stay as friends...who knows. But what is pissing me off is that I have left her alone for months, I don't speak about her, I don't discuss her with anyone....I've walked away and am happy with my decision. Months later she's spreading my personal life to someone we know?? My reflex is to call her up and tell her off and let her have it....but I haven't been able to do that yet as sometimes I rather not have any dialogue good or bad with her. So my question is...should I call her or write to her and tell her off..or should I just leave it at that. My concern is that people know she and I were close and I am worried that I always have to defend myself since they might think anything she says is true. She really has angered me in a bad way.Looking forward to hearing from you.Thanks...sorry it was so long.
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female
reader, Dorothy Dix  +, writes (4 July 2013):
Hi. Perhaps your best course of action now, would be to just give her some space.
Don't reach out to her, to try and ask why she is angry with you or to say sorry.
Just leave it.
If she gets back in contact with you, that's okay.
But if not, well then consider that it might be the end of that friendship.
Maybe that friendship, has reached the end of the road.
Only time will tell.
A
male
reader, Xearo +, writes (1 July 2013):
I have recently been through a similar experience. I had a friend (D) I helped a lot and she did the same as well. As the years passed our differences spoke louder than our friendship, I changed and in my eyes she changed as well. I decided to end our friendship because I was constantly stressed out by her statements and I couldn't feel like myself around her anymore.
At some point I began speaking to a mutual friend (K) and we are very close now. She has been a positive influence in my life, something I feel I desperately needed.
Sure enough, (D) caught wind of this and began directing Facebook statuses (K) made to me (when they actually had nothing to do with me). I had to call (D) and put a stop to it. I reiterated why I had chosen to stop being friends.
My point is that I felt like (D) was bitter about me ending the friendship but to this day I felt like it was the right choice. Even if (D) slandered my name to her close friends I don't and would not care. But because (K) was also my friend, I would definitely explain my side of the story as well as contact (D) and put a stop to her. (K) made up her own mind on the ordeal which was enough for me and I didn't have to do a whole lot of self explaining. And anyone that knows me I think would only believe so much from (D).
If your ex-friend is slandering your image to your close friends, you should definitely get involved and point out that the ex-friend is only making a fool of herself. Her bitter attitude speaks volumes and she needs to move on and respect herself because you already did more than enough for her in the past. Good luck and I hope it all works out.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 July 2013): I had a falling out with a best friend of 30 years. I was so angry and hurt I really wanted to tell everyone the awful truths I knew about her... I wanted to tell her awful secrets to people. However, I also knew, that that was a bigger reflection of who I AM, MORE than who she is. So I didn't.
When your ex friend spreads stories about you, the truth eventually comes out, and she will be seen as a gossiper, or be seen to be bad mouthing you. What is important, is that you keep your personal integrity, and keep yourself right. You have decided you do not want to contact her, and I think that is best. When ever you hear the incorrect stories about yourself, I would tell the people, that that is incorrect information. Say you are not sure, why she is telling people the wrong things about you, but that she is incorrect. Stay calm. Don't say nasty or nice comments about her..just be honest and neutral.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 July 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHello Aunties,
Thank you for your advice. My guy-friend and I talk everyday, we're pretty open with each other so I can actually tell him and he'll listen and be cool. The only concern I have with that is that my ex-friend told him the bunch of crap and he mentioned it to his mom..not thinking that she would mention it to me. So I really don't want to get his mom in any sort of hot water. She's a sweet lady who's knitting booties for her grandchild that she wants me to have....so she has taken it very seriously to look out for me and if she hears silliness, when she can she tells me. And I'm not stupid,by telling me what she hears, she actually asking me about the authenticity of it.
My thing is ....we all make choices in our lives about how we want to live our lives. She made a choice to be entrepreneur and Mary Homemaker...and I made my choice not to rush into marriage but enjoy my life with travel and stuff before settling down. Regretting the choice she made and being envious of the choice I made...doesn't give her carte blanche to go ruining my life.
Anyway, thank you Aunties for responding to my dilemma here. I really do appreciate it. I'll think about this today at some point and decide how I want to move forward. If I don't stop it, she will continue....and if I do approach her in whatever way on stopping it, she will think it is open communication season....and all I want is for her to stay out my life and concentrate on hers.
Thanks.
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A
female
reader, Dorothy Dix +, writes (1 July 2013):
Hi there. Perhaps your friend is a little jealous of you being free and on the loose, when she is married and tied down.
Meaning, that you can go out and socialize, where she is restricted with her business, and the time it takes, and being married.
Perhaps that is it.
It is wise that you don't get back in touch with her, because if anyone should apologise, it is her - NOT you.
Somehow, you are going to have to tell that guy you were friends with, that what this friend of yours said is simply a lot of nonsense, and that it isn't true at all.
And maybe if you do this, well then DO NOT do it via social media, as it is often able to be read by anyone else who is a friend of yours.
Maybe you could write him a letter to explain just what happened, and how she badmouthed you to him and to his mother.
And that you and her have had a falling out, which has caused her to become bitter and telling lies about you to other people, to get back at you.
Because, this is what she seems to be doing, doesn't she?
And you DO want to keep the friendship with this young man, don't you?
And so it is worth any effort you can make, for that to happen, surely.
And personally drop the letter in his letterbox.
Or so his mother didn't see it first, you might send it to his work, marked to his attention.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim +, writes (1 July 2013):
 Get one of those blank cards, either a cute one or a pretty one, write in it, Hi XXX, just a short note to thank you for filling other people in on the details of my life, your doing so has really saved me heaps of time to get more important stuff done. Much appreciated, thankyou!
and sign it. Add a few XOXOX's for good measure!
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