A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:So, when I met my partner (stanley) he worked as a builder for a bloke (trevor)for £100 cash a week (if he was lucky). I persuaded him to go out and get a full time job so we could move out together and everything was lovely, we were both so happy. But, 2 weeks before our baby was due his old "boss" trevor rang him two or three times a day everyday swearing and going at him telling him to come back to work for him. How I see it, trevor has bullied and brow beaten my partner all his life so I was adamant he shouldn't go back, but stanley doesnt see it like that at all. So of course trevor promised stanley more money, a van, he promised him more time to be at home with me and baby. Basically he knew what we wanted and promised all those things. So, as trevor bullied and pestered stanley, in turn stanley pressured me until in the end I cracked and told him to do whatever he wanted, seeing as he was going to anyway.I knew it was a horrible idea.So here we are...Trevor didnt even keep his word for a few months! From the second he started hes been on about 150 a week (actual cheques this time so my partner can declare it) But we can't pay the bills, can't even afford to buy food. And he doesn't see that were in this predicament because he went to work for trevor.I am really struggling to find a job at the moment but to be completely honest I'm reluctant to anyway, stanley promised that he would support us, and he could've done if he was still at his old job. And before he got that job I worked 7-7 in a Nursery earning £600 pm and had to support him whilst he messed about "working" for trevor.Anyway, now I have told him if he doesn't get a proper job I'm moving out. Not breaking up, just leaving him until he realises it's not ok to put our family through all this stress just cause he's scared of trevor. I've given him so many chances to look/apply for jobs and he just shrugs, like if he puts it off long enough I'm going to change my mind?! I have threatened it before and not followed through because hes told me someone else has offered him work or trevors been looking at vans. But nothing ever comes of it.So, do I do it? Do I call his bluff and leave? Only other problem is, his grandads gone into hospital this week and it doesn't sound like good news. He uses that as an excuse but he never really saw his grandad anyway? Would it just be cruel? It's just going to be really awkward with his family if I do move out so I don't know.I was hoping the threat alone would work but it hasn't. I'd normally speak to family or friends about it but none of them particularly agreed with my desicion to go out with him in the first place so they are pretty biased.
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female
reader, Midnight Shadow +, writes (17 January 2015):
 I'm going to be honest here and say you can't move out and move back in. Once you move out, that's it. He doesn't WANT or have the backbone to support your family, so you're essentially not in a good place with him and you should be leaving him.
I don't think you should rely on him to support you because that's your job as a mother also and could be adding pressure on him that would be unfair, but it will be hard because you're with a guy who would rather stay with a pushy boss than support his family.
A
female
reader, deirdre  +, writes (16 January 2015):
I agree with the previous poster, this situation is not workable right now and you need and deserve to know that at the end of each week there is enough to provide for you and your baby. You will also be financially better off living on your own even if you are on benefits for the time being
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (16 January 2015):
 The problem with ultimatums, or threats, is that if you don;t follow through they will lose their impact and your words will mean nothing.
Before you leave make sure you have an exit plan, that you know you have somewhere to go, and that you and your baby will be safe, fed and secure.
If you do leave be prepared to be living separate from Stanley for at least 6 months, let him woo you all over again, let him visit but not stay over night, invite him for a meal one night a week, let him know that you wont be back until he gets his shit together with a proper wage that will pay the bills, provide the food and give you a little left over at the end of each pay period to put away for a rainy day and some to save for rewards,holidays, new furniture etc.
Six months for him to get it together is not too long, and make sure he is aware that if dear old Trev comes sniffing around for cheap labour again, you will be out of there in a flash and this time there will be no coming back.
Good luck, I hope it works out okay for you all.
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