A
female
age
30-35,
*unopeltz
writes:So, it's almost the holidays and my boyfriend is coming to my place for the holidays. But, I'm going to my cousins house for thanksgiving dinner, and he's not doing anything considering his family doesn't really do anything. But, my family knows that he cheated on me awhile back and my family knows about it and they are very straight forward with stuff ( pretty much, they're mean and will bombard you with uncomfortable questions). So I kinda don't want to bring him. But, I don't want to leave him at the house, considering I'm rooming with someone. And he doesn't have a way around...What should I do? Should I bring him or should I leave home?
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female
reader, sugarplum786  +, writes (16 November 2012):
 I would take him to the diner and dont intervene what your family would say. THey are only looking after your interest and want to make sure he does not hurt you again. He did the crime so let him face the consequences. Why do you want to protect him, did he protect your heart from breaking? He is a big boy and should take it like a man.
Dont change your plans and dont univite him as soober or later if he wants to be with you he is going to have to face your family. What better than Thanksgiving! Goodluck, enjoy and dont stress over it. He should worry not you.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 November 2012): You do nothing and go have a nice dinner with your family. OP he's not some delicate little flower who's going to be crying at home because his family don't do thanksgiving, he's used to it, he doesn't care. He's a man you don't have to pity him and you have good reason not to take him that he'll understand.
First off OP you're going to be a guest of your cousins, it would be quite rude of you to bring a guest they don't like or haven't properly forgiven yet. I mean would you like it if say your boyfriend brought an ex girlfriend to your birthday? One that hurt him in the past but now he's forgiven, but you still don't like her, the basis that she had nowhere to be that night and he pitied her because of that? No, that would be rude and pointless.
OP did they even invite him? If not the answer is even easier, he's not invited, you don't bring uninvited guests to a dinner where you know there's a chance of conflict, that's just ignorant.
OP if you were my cousin and you brought him to dinner at my house I'd very happily see that as my right to make his time very uncomfortable, I would enjoy making jokes about cheating, talking about celebrities who cheated etc. You see I wouldn't want him there, you may forgive him but I don't forgive people who fuck over my family members in such a huge way very easily. My house, my right to treat anyone in it whatever way I like. And if you thought you could just bring someone like that to my house with the potential to ruin the dinner without me calling him out on things then you'd be wrong. You could talk to me beforehand, try and get me to understand I still wouldn't keep my mouth shut and I don't have to in my house.
It's like this OP, you have a choice, choose your boyfriend out of some kind of pity for non-existent reasons or choose your family, that's it. Just remember, they won't be the mean ones if you force them to have to sit there at a table across from a guy they don't really like, you're the mean one in that equation OP.
He'll be fine not seeing you for one unimportant day, he's not going to be in any way as devastated as you think. but remember if you decide to force him on your family then whatever happens during that dinner is your fault. You know what the consequences are going to be, don't for one second think asking them not to do that will make it any less uncomfortable for everyone involved.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 November 2012): Can you not speak to your family about this?
While I can fully accept they are upset by the situation, you are both trying to move on from it. I don't understand why they would interfere if you ask them not too.
I'm in a similar situation my partner cheated years ago we moved on, I spoke to my family they were upset as my mum pointed out I'm her baby and it upsets her to see me upset.
If you two are moving on your family needs to aswell after all your happiness is most important. Also point out to them that it wouldn't not just be uncomfortable for him but you to as it would surface ok wounds.
Goodluck and best wishes
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 November 2012): "So I don't want to bring him."And since your family doesn't want him there, most likely your cousin didn't want to invite him, so I'm sure your cousin didn't invite him. "What should I do?"Assuming cheating boyfriend is uninvited to a holiday family gathering, your choices are to go to your cousin's alone or make alternate plans with uninvited cheating boyfriend. It would be incredibly presumptuous and incredibly rude for you to show up at your cousin's house with uninvinted, unannounced, unpopular, unwelcome cheating boyfriend in tow.
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A
male
reader, DocJon  +, writes (16 November 2012):
 No. It will be too awkward for you, your family, and him. Convince yourself to dodge the bullet on this on. Quite frankly, cheaters aren't worth a loving relationship- get out of it. Sorry, but it's the truth.
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