A
male
age
,
anonymous
writes:I am in the final stages of ending my 31 year marriage to the love of my life.While the marriage is over the friendship is not but I am trying to find a way to afford for me to not live in the same house as her for reasons not relavant to this question (it would help preserve our existing friendship with me out).Marriage background that is important; Her health issues have kept us from sex for at least 4 years now. No chance of repairing the marriage either but not for reason that most would think of and it is not me that is ending the marriage as I am only consenting to the finality of it.I used to love to dance and used to be in great shape due to dancing.I recently renewed a professional friendship with another woman that was a co-worker 10 years ago. No, I am not and will never be interested in her in a ramantic way, but she is now divorced and not dating anyone on a regular basis. My company is having a Christmas party in about four weeks and I want to go, have a generally good time, dance, eat, and socialize. In the 8 years of working for this company my wife never went with me to the company functions and I would like to go to this one with a companion (platonic only). She loves to dance and may know a few of the people at this party. It is local so no travel is involved and no personal expense either.Would it be wrong to take this friend with me so that we can both visit with old friends and have some fun at a social event? I am 52 and she is around 48. I must stress that this is not a romantic encounter as I would never be interested in her in that way.How would it affect my standing at work as a few select few know my soon-to-be ex-wife?Would this be prefessional suicide and would this make me out to be a villian of sorts or could this be o.k.? I am not divorced yet but am legally seperated.The divorce may take several years or may not actually be finalized due to her health as we may stay seperated-only until who know when.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 November 2012): I asked two long time friends the same question and I recieved two different answers (I am the guy with the question).
No I would never see myself in a romantic relationship with the female friend and she and I know this.
I guess since it was a 50/50 here and also among my two friends localy, I will error on the side of caution and once again go alone to the party.
As you pointed out, I am still married until such time that the divorce papers are signed by the judge.
Hopefully I can dance with some of the coworkers during the get together and just have some innocent, adult fun.
Thanks all for your time.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 November 2012): I think it is somewhat wrong to take your femail friend when you're not divorced and your co-workers know you're married. Even if your intentions are probably innocent, it does not appear this way to others and you may just well be committing professional suicide. People judge your integrity by your actions, and since they have no clue you and your wife have technically ended your marriage, you will seen as the guy who can't be trusted at work, the guy who cheated on his wife etc..
And why is it so important to take her with you in a public setting where so many people know you. If you want to have fun and dance, then go just the 2 of you, but then it might be considered more than just platonic. Are you perhaps secretly hoping this "friendship" could be a little more than just platonic?
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A
female
reader, crazyy001 +, writes (16 November 2012):
dude have fun your getting older not younger
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 November 2012): "Would it be wrong to take this friend with me so that we can both visit with old friends and have some fun at a social event?"
Yes, it would be wrong. An office party is NOT a social event, it is a work event and your conduct is perceived as representing your professionalism. If your lawfully wedded wife to whom you are still legally married hasn't previously attended, then you shouldn't bring anyone else while you are still legally married to your lawfully wedded wife.
"I must stress that this is not a romantic encounter as I would never be interested in her in that way."
And how do you plan to broadcast that disclaimer to your co-workers and senior management in advance? The appearance of impropriety is impropriety. You're still legally married.
"How would it affect my standing at work as a few select few know my soon-to-be ex-wife?"
Negatively, since a select few know your wife to whom you are still legally married.
"Would this be prefessional suicide and would this make me out to be a villian of sorts or could this be o.k.?"
Yes it would be professional suicide as you're still legally married and yes it would make you out to be a villain as you're still legally married and no it couldn't be o.k. as you're still legally married.
"I am not divorced yet but am legally seperated."
Then you're still legally married.
"The divorce may take several years or may not actually be finalized due to her health as we may stay seperated-only until who know when."
Then you're still legally married until who knows when.
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A
female
reader, sugarplum786  +, writes (16 November 2012):
 Hi, does this very also only see this as a platonic relationship? Especially since she is single, there maybe some aspirations for something more? So you need to make it very clear that you need a friend and dont see yourself in anything more deep with her. If you have cleared the air, there should be no problem with her going to the Christmas function.
Your work collegues will be crtical of who you bring if they dont know your wife has filed for a divorce. You need to decide whether you care of people's opinion that have not walked in your shoes.
Personally I would enjoy myself how I feel fit as I want to be free and happy, what others think is irrelevant.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 November 2012): why the hell not? unless you got a perverted mind that is....go for it
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