A
male
age
30-35,
*rax
writes:so i suppose i'm here because im just at the end of my rope.i recently got out of boot camp and just got notice that i am going to iraq next week on tuesday. and i am aware i will be a different person if i make it back home . so i want to know, should i tell my fiancee that it's over just so she doesnt have to wait for me to come home? because if i don't i really don't want her to be upset and i don't want her waiting on me alone for 2 years.i just dont want to have more people than necessary worrying about me while i'm gone.
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (14 September 2009):
 My husband has deployed 3 times already and yes there have been subtle changes in him. But we all have those as we all grow older and hopefully wiser.
Do you love this girl?
Does she love you?
Does she want to wait for you?
Can you handle being faithful while deployed?( YEA I know a LOT of soldiers screw around while deployed)
Do you have faith in your fiancee?
Have you even ASKED her what she wants?
I think the two of you need to sit down and talk about what your hopes and dreams are for the future. IF the two of you can make it through a deployment, you have something solid to base your relationship and later marriage on. You are still young and I assume she is too, but that doesn't mean it can't work.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 September 2009): I think that was a bit harsh deliawood, and a false accusation.
You dont' go to the internet anonymously to a bunch of strangers just to be told you're self righteous.
My husband feels guilty everyday that i'm here alone. He feels like he left my daughter and I and like he's a jerk for it. It is important that he protect his mental health. Both his and his finace's. If her's is not protacted, she may do somethign she regrets and worsen the situation.
~Sy.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 September 2009): If you love her and want to marry her, don't break up. If you are feeling doubt about your love, do break up. Don't play self-righteous and claim you are looking out for her best interest if there is more to it. That's hog wash!My son just back from Iraq, and he (like you will be) is the same person but more mature. He is going through a lot of transition because there you look at life one way. When you return to the mundane things in life, it is hard. It hasn't been easy for him, but he is the same person.Good luck!
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A
female
reader, Lola1  +, writes (14 September 2009):
 She'll worry anyway. Not being yours would make it worse.She agreed to marry you while you were in boot camp. I suspect she's up for the wait and considers you well worth it.
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A
female
reader, califnan +, writes (14 September 2009):
 Love for your country... Love for your fiancee. No, don't break it off with her. Have a talk with her and tell her it would be her decision.. Not all relationships have this test - before marriage.. When you return, if she is still waiting for you - you will have something to build on - and go from there..
Thank you for your service.. You are among "America's finest"..
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A
female
reader, snoopysan  +, writes (14 September 2009):
You are so sweet to want to do that. However, if you really love her, try to work things out ... love conquers distance and war ... I think the last thing she would want to hear is for you to break up with her, no matter how noble the reason is. Just let her know you'll be back if she will wait for you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 September 2009): I have to think that it won't be any surprise at all to her that you're being deployed. She knew when you guys got together (or when you joined) that this day might very well come. Nevertheless she said 'yes' when you proposed.
Do indeed talk to her and see where she stands. It's very honourable of you to try to spare her feelings. She just might not want her feelings spared is all.
Thank you for your service.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 September 2009): Hi there.
This is very sweet and something that needs to be thought about on both your ends. I'm not sure what sort of relationship you have with her and ho strong it is and how much you trust her. Here are the problems that could happen if you stay with her:
She decides she can't wait for you and breaks up with you, leaving you alone and hurt in an already-horrible situation and a slipping mind.
She cheats on you and does the same thing, except worse.
You cheat on her.
I'm sorry because I know these sund horrible and i'm not implying that they will happen to either of you, because I have no idea what sort of relationship you have. If this is a "the one" thing and you have never given eavh other a reason to doubt one another, then I think you can both get through the waiting period. But if you think there is any chance of it, then it's not a good idea.
Gawd I love my husband. I don't want to be with anyone in the world but him. So when he got deployed, I wanted to wait because even if we did break up, I woudln't've dated, because all i want is him. So, we got married one month before he left. It was my way of showing him that i would wait no matter how long he was gone, and of giving myself the honour to marry him, even if something horrible should happen there, and I not see him again.
So there you go. If you have a strong, loving, trusting relationship with her, then you will make it. you can write letters, webcam, send pictures, videos and packages. You'll get your mid-tour leave and if something happens, emergency leave. You can get weird little phones there to talk to her on.
And you will need someone to support you and bring you up when you're down. It will be rough and you can't be completely alone. So just a warning, that even if you decide to break up with her, leave someone by your side. Don't shut everyone out. And don't lose though with her. You can still talk to her as a friend if nothing else. To keep your mind healthy. Ok?
Well goodluck.
~Sy.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (14 September 2009):
 Aww that is so sweet. Why not ask her what she wants to do? Two years is a drop in the bucket and she must love you very much if she agreed to marry you. Women have been waiting for their husbands, boyfriends, fathers, brothers, and sons to come home from war since the dawn of makind. Just ask her how she feels about it, you'll be surprised how strong a woman can be about these things. And thank you for your service to our country, God Bless.
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