| A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes: I'm at my wits end, what do I do? Break up with him? Stay around for 1 more year? This is what I want - to be the love of his life, to hear him say he wants to marry me and be my husband someday. But it's been 2 1/2 years and his ex partner of 15 yrs seems to still the one he wanted to experience everything with. He lived with her almost immediately after "wearing her down from chasing her for a year", wanted to marry her, wanted to have children with her (unfortunately it wasn't possible for them). He's not chasing me or wanting to live with me (I have children), or saying I'm the live of his life and he can't wait for us to be together some day. It makes me so sad! What do I do?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 March 2013): If this is the case then why have you been with him for as long as you have? And if his effort with you has always been so menial, what even drew you to him? Of course you should break up with him. What's stopping you? My boyfriend has this ex from way back from high school who he got together with again when he had moved back to his hometown for a little while. (This was before he and I met). And when I say "together" I think he was lonely and saw on opportunity for the short term whereas she thought for the long haul. She had a kid too. From the start, my boyfriend had never given her any inkling that he wanted anything serious. In fact he treated her very casually like he could take her or leave her. He never even chased her, she did all the chasing. She even arranged their "first" date. She gave up too much, too soon and wore her heart on her sleeve. This woman was left so frustrated. He would only come by when he was "lonely" and nothing more. And she didn't understand why he would blow her off, why she would only hear from him sporadically, why he didn't talk of the future, why he had no plans to move in, and why he would only come by late hours of the night. This went on for a couple of years. When she wouldn't hear from him, he was out with his buddies, meeting other girls. The only memory she left in his mind is that she is the one he can call when he wants a warm body to cuddle next to. But she is the one who set the bar for this to happen. Because she acted like a doormat. She was chasing a guy who had never offered her anything. Chasing a guy who put no effort whatsoever to rightfully give her the impression that he deserved all that she gave. And is it because he is a jerk? No. I know because he is my boyfriend. I can't even count how many dinners and evenings and flowers and I love you's and trips and all the boyfriend-ly stuff he does for me. Look I am not saying this is the case with you...but if it is, don't be that girl. Give yourself the value you deserve. This guy doesn't love you? The hell with him. No don't waste another year! Don't waste another day! And learn from your mistake. If a guy is putting forth no effort for you from the very beginning, ditch him. And find someone who will.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 March 2013): It's been 4 1/2 yrs since his break up but they were still hooking up occassionally right before we met. He says he sees a future with me in it but doesn't know when it will happen. I told him I'm a marriage minded woman so living together is not my thing. He said early on that wasn't a problem but now I think he's concerned about my crazy ex, my kids and logistics. I'm just not feeling as important I have felt by this time in other relationships - I chalk it up to him being shy but now I'm just thinking I must not be the one.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 March 2013): If he is not jumping through hoops and laying out the red carpet, he is hung up on the ex. You are just conveniet.
Dont waste any more time, yes you love him but it appears you are doing all the chasing, end this relationship. If he thinks you are worth fighting for he will give you your dreams.
I know its not about the ex, but after 2.5 years you want to know you have a future and this guy is either just not into you or will not be full filling those dreams. Dont lose any more time and start afresh with someone that believes you are a keeper.
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