A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Sadly, I think I need to break up with my girlfriend. We have been dating over a year and have been close friends for three years prior to that. I love her to death, and she thinks I am the one. Even though I still love her, I feel a break up is necessary as our lives are just headed in different directions right now.My problem is: do I break it off before the holidays (Thanksgiving, Christmas) or do I wait to break it off after the holidays????This is going to be a real tough one, for both of us, but especially her. She thinks I am the one, and on top of that has a very needy personality, and me moving out will destroy her. She has been looking forward to the holidays for quite some time now, and I fear a break up prior to them would be extra devastating on her.However, if I want until after, will she think I am an asshole that I celebrated the holidays with her knowing we'd break up soon after?It's a real tough call, and I just want to do what is the best and most respectful for her. What do y'all think??Thanks ahead -
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female
reader, angel91  +, writes (24 October 2008):
I personally think you should do it as soon as possible. one, its not fair on you to be in a relationship where you possibly feel stuck. Noone deserves to feel like that.
and two, its not fair on her. this girl thinks your happy with her, and its probably making her fall more inlove with you. It would hurt her an awful lot more by lying & waiting til after the holidays.
Be honest with her. tell her exactly how you feel. Hopefully she'll understand (:S) and be grateful for your honesty.
good luck with it all xx
A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (24 October 2008):
If you are not going to be in the same room alone as her for a few weeks then I think you need to call her up on the phone and give her a heads up that you are not happy with the relationship and think it is not working.
You can talk about it properly when you see her. But do it before thanksgiving. A few weeks is a long time so do it asap and then she can change her plans and go to her parents for thanks giving and celebrate and get support from them over the break up.
Good Luck!! xx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 October 2008): I would do it after the holidays as if she is a needy soul she will be really looking forward to these events and it will take away all her fun if you do it now. Unless there is a major pressing reasion why you have to do it now please wait. My husband left me just before Xmas and it ruined everything for me and the children. I would much rather he had waited. She will have things planned and it is not a good time to do things.
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A
female
reader, thatgothgirl20 +, writes (24 October 2008):
 Usually I say go on ahead, but I think you should wait. And if she tries to say you're an asshole for not breaking up sooner, tell her that you didn't want her to spend the holidays alone.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 October 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks emily -
the earliest i could do it, due to reasons that i don't need to really go into, would be in a few weeks, which by then will be only a few weeks til thanksgiving. she is SO excited that i am doing thanksgiving with her family and they already are set to have me there, take us to a show over that weekend, etc...
it's just a tough situation.
what makes it harder is that i am living with her for free, because i have had extreme difficulty in finding a job since graduating college in may. i hate that i am living here rent free, and is one of the reasons i feel we need to go our separate ways for now.
SO: I have to either do it a few weeks before thanksgiving or a few weeks after christmas. i feel so stuck, i don't know what to do. i just want to minimize the pain i will cause her as much as possible!!!
any more advice would be greatly appreciated!
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A
female
reader, lost and lonely +, writes (24 October 2008):
 first of all if you truly love this person and are in love with her, then maybe you might be making a bad mistake of letting her go, if your relationships are headed into to different directions you both should set down and talk about your lives together, alot of women that are in a relationship, with a good man , dont want to lose that, ever. but maybe you can both take some time out from one another for a few months to see if they are truly the one that you want to spend the rest of your life with. and in leaving her at the time of Holidays that really makes no difference , if its now or after the holiday, what if it was her that found that she wasnt ready do you really think that she would set and wait till after the holidays or when ever, I really dont think so. but Im not her, or you ... If you wish to end this now, please just explain to her the truth of your feelings, and why you come to this conclusion of your lives, if you do walk out now, dont leave her with empty pockets , help her threw this time, but gradually ease out of it, till you know that she will be okay. I wish I had someone with feelings like yours, but my someone passed 3yrs ago, when I walked out of a real love, he hung himself. so please think before you do,....
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (24 October 2008):
It's only October... it's hardly like you are going to dump her on Christmas Eve.
Do it now if you no longer want to be with her and then move out asap, but continue to pay your half of the rent till after xmas so she is not made homeless. You can go home to your parents or sleep on a mate's sofa till she can sort herself out.
Good Luck!! xx
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A
female
reader, for_a_reason +, writes (24 October 2008):
 I think you should do it now rather than string her along until January. January is a depressing enough month without adding a break up into the equation.
Breaking up now, before the holidays probably will devastate her, but it'll be far better than her finding out that you strung her along through the holidays just to spare her feelings. She'll look back on her memories of that christmas, and they'll all be fake.
Good Luck.
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A
male
reader, Boredatwork +, writes (24 October 2008):
 Sooner than later mate, there is no point living a lie just to keep her happy and to delay the truth.
I'm a firm believer of always looking after number one in these situations, you never know 'mrs right' may come along in the next few weeks, and you may miss the opertunity of a lifetime because you delayed the break up.
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