A
female
age
36-40,
*ively
writes:Should i break up witih him?We met on the internet. He tried to have sex with me on the first date. we've been together for 1 and 1/2 yrs1) He cheated on me. a) with a girl he met on the bus, he told me its because he thinks i am unfaithful. i broke up with him. he signed on online dating immediately. few days later he called and i took him back.b) He is still with that girl. I broke up with him again. and end up taking him back. c) He mailed a lot of girls on the internet, while he was in my place and we were hangingout. d) When i was away on a trip for 3 months he cheated on me with a 42 yrs old woman( he is 25). He said it is because he thought i will not come back. 2) He seems selfisha) its mostly about what he wants when we do something. He told me i can go to the Zoo with his friend, when i asked if he wants to go to the zoo with me. b) he always talk about himself, and doesn't seem to listen to me. c) we have a lot of sex, even when i don't want to. His good Parta1. Ive seen his family. his sister and his mother. and they seem to like me. i've seen most of his friends too. 2. He told me that i am smart, beautiful, strong, and he wants to have a baby with me3. we spend a lot of time togetherWhen i ask him if he loves me, he saids yes. When i ask him "really?" he said he thinks he loves me, but he doesn't know what love is anymore. He told me he tries not get too attached these daysHe was dating this girl, he saved up wanted to move for her when she goes away for school... but she broke up with him. He was dating this mexican girl. He said she is the most beautiful girl he ever been with, and he loved her. But she left him and returned to mexico. He always told me how beautiful she is, made me jealous... but when i told him that i don't appreciate him alwas talking about her, he stopped. I like him alot, i guess because he is so handsome, and i like his boyish ways. but he hurts me so much. i want to break up with him ever since the beginning, but just never happened even i tried to. after a year and 1/2, he thinks he loves me. can anyone tell me what kind of person he is, and how he feels about me really. and what should i do?i really need some insight, and guidance. Thank you very much!... :)4.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, chickpea2011  +, writes (28 November 2011):
 Hi Lively,
I know you've been together for 1 1/2 years, but seems like he's not ready to be committed to you? He cheats on you, when you guys fight, he goes to dating site immediately? I know you love him, and you want to stay with him, but he's acting shows that he doesn't love you the same way.
You know, all couples fight all the time. All relationships have problems, they might even break up, but they don't go out dating, cheating, or online dating? Usually when couples love each other, they might take a break, but they stay faithful, and try to work on the relationship.
I am afraid that if you stay with him, not much will change. You will only get more attached to him, and you are only hurting yourself. Do what's best for you. It's going to be difficult to let him go, but you need to be strong.
Steps you can take:
1) no contact at all ( text, call, email, Facebook, nothing )
2) get rid off everything he gave you, and reminds you of him.
You should make your decision, be strong, and stick with it!!! Any any circumstances. He will contact you, play mind games, make you false promises. It will be ok for a while, but the 1st he has a change to meet a girl, I know he will.... It's in character, he won't change... I guess he's not ready for a serious monogamous relationship??
Good luck
A
female
reader, lively +, writes (28 November 2011):
lively is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thank you everyone, for your kind heart, and taking the time to answer my question.
Its like a sober up, a wake up call to me. and my heart feels cold....
I want to break up with him, but i guess i want him to love me so much. we've been together so long, im emotionally attached to him, how do i break that attachment?
Abella you crack me up, yeah maybe i should give him a one way ticket to mexico, to see if she takes him back.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 November 2011): My God, how have you lasted 1 1/2 years with him!!!!
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (27 November 2011):
YES!
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A
female
reader, chickpea2011 +, writes (27 November 2011):
Hi,
You should absolutely end with this guy!!!! No questions!!!
He's immature, selfish, and have self esteem problems. He's dishonest, and clearly he's not ready to be in a committed relationship. I know you have known him 11/2 years, but he should have never ask you for sex in the 1st date. You gave him too many chances, and he's not the right guy for you.
I hope you make the right decision!
Good luck
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A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (27 November 2011):
 and further to my evidence detailed below in my previous answer:
YES you should break up with him, not get pregnant by him, and not take him back.
It will be tough for the first three months, but later you will be thankful that he is no longer wasting your time.
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A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (27 November 2011):
No matter how cute, hot etc he looks his behavior towards you is appalling. His lack of loyalty to anyone except himself is inexcusable. And when he cheats he turns it around on you to blame you.
At least he stopped talking about the Mexican girl, when you requested he do so. But why carry on as he did? How immature of him to try to make you jealous? He had a big load of insecurity beheath his 'Player public face.
If he keeps being disloyal then maybe for Christmas I'd consider getting him a one way bus ticket to Mexico so he can go find his Mexican girl, and see if she'll have him back.
Always start as you mean to go on.
My recommendation would have been to show him the door when he tried to have sex on the first date.
Never ever have sex unless you really want it. To him sex is mechanical and lacks the love component.
And you are correct he is selfish.
And you have observed he does not listen.
He is concurrently breaking your heart and the heart of the girl he met on the bus. And still there are more girls he has yet to connect with. He cannot get through them all in one life, but he's making a determined effort to try to connect with all of them.
He clearly has delusions that he's a Gift to all the Women in the world.
No sooner does he find one girl, but then follows that up with searching for the next girl.
He loves himself more than anyone else. And he's starting to spread himself around a little thin.
He might be just as satisfied with three blow up dolls - a blonde, a red head and
a darker haired one. One could never accuse him of being discerning nor of loyalty. He enjoys 'playing' with any willing girl
He tries 'not to get too attached?' I suspect due to his immaturity he finds it fun to see how many women he can attract. That's shallow behavior. Sex is not love. Love requires far more from him. And he has truthfully said he is not sure what love is.
And he will always be unfaithful to his partners until he matures. And that may be a few years or until he wises up.
And he says whatever will 'get' the girl's attention.
So he wants to have a baby with you? NOooooooooo!
A baby needs a stable father who understands that love is not what he is offering.
It would seem that you can identify his shortcomings.
Now maybe you could try to identify the issues that have affected your own self esteem that have resulted in you excusing, forgiving and putting up with this lying cheating sweet talking PLAYER.
Please get your self esteem into a stronger state before you date again. Know that you deserve a man who is more loyal and more of a gentleman than this guy.
Know when a guy cheats it is his failure. It is never your fault.
You deserve a much nicer guy than this guy.
I am so sorry that you have had to endure all this. It is a sobering lesson to realise shallow guys like this exist.
There really are much nicer guys than this amongst the 3.5 billion males in the world
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A
female
reader, supermum +, writes (27 November 2011):
 None of us can tell you whether to leave him or not. That is a decision that you alone have to make. Having said that, what does your gut say? I am a great believer in following your gut feelings. If you stay with him, you know he will continue hurting you, continue cheating on you. Can you live with that?I suppose the question you have to ask is 'Is this the best I deserve'. If the answer is no, then you have your answer right there.Also, you need the conviction to stick to your decisions, every time you split up with him then take him back he knows he can get away with more and more because you let him. I can't see that getting better.
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