A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I think i already know what advice i will be given but sometimes it helps being told what i wouldnt really want to know. A friend with benefits got back in contact with me recently we are both still very single. He told me he wants to be more serious. I have no problem with this but, he said he was going to make more effort ( not much to some ) eg, he didnt have a bus pass and would walk everywhere he told me he can now come and see me instead of me always getting a taxi to him ( 4 miles away from each other and he doesnt work ) i never paid for him on nights out so i know he isnt after me for my money even tho im skint all the time.) We had a really good chat about things 2 week ago but now he has gone silent. I texted him 2 nights ago and he hasnt got back to me, he is pathetic with replying to people aka me. i know everyone will say he could be busy but he doesnt work he has told me what he does during the day everyday , i work full time and have a child to bring up on my own and i can manage a quick text to someone so i dont see why he cant. Why would he say he wants to make a go of things ,and him then to not actually try. He has said one day he would like to see himself married with children and he says he would like that with me. I do not jump to attention when he does text i make him wait like he did to me but i dont wait as long as him. im not desperate. But he always liked me messaging him lots to ignore me like he got turned on by it. Do i tell him to jog on because all it seems to be is he clicks his fingers he gets attention i click mine i get ignored i wont go through life like that. should i delete / block or give him a chance?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (23 July 2018): I agree with everything the others have replied. This man and these stupid games should be left in your past - love your child and love yourself and move on.
A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (23 July 2018):
 Of course you tell him to jog on.
He wants to marry you but can’t text back for 2 days? The guy is a complete messer. He’s a jobless bum that I’m guessing is in a similar age bracket to you, so I’m struggling to see how you think he’s a good catch? You already have one child, don’t bring another into the mIx, sounds like he gets a kick out of your attention whilst feeding you some bullshit to keep it flowing.
Avoid like the plague.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (23 July 2018):
 I have to ask, is your profile age correct? Are you really in your late 30s? I read your post and thought it was a teenager posting.
Sweetheart, you are an ADULT woman and, more importantly, a MOTHER. Why are you playing silly immature "games" with this guy? I mean, all this stuff about making him wait for a reply, etc. Just immature and pathetic and needless. You should not NEED to play games with someone you are involved with.
As for HIM. Well, where to start? It's great that he sees himself married with kids one day. Does he also see himself with a job and SUPPORTING and TAKING RESPONSIBILITY for those kids? Or will he expect taxpayers to pay for them as well as him?
The silly teenage texting games aside, you sound like a responsible adult who works to support herself and her child. Do you NEED this man in your life? How will he IMPROVE your life? Why would you want someone in your life who DOESN'T improve it?
If you want a man in your life, there are many responsible ADULT men out there who pay their way and don't play silly games. In your shoes I would consign this one to the past, where he belongs, and concentrate on IMPROVING your life, not making it more difficult. You deserve better.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 July 2018): Give him a chance to do what? You have a child to take care of; and you're carrying-on with a man you don't even know how he earns his money. You both play some silly adolescent game of contact and ignore. What's that all about?
The way you two conduct whatever it is you're doing, makes no sense to me at all. Two full-grown adults don't deliberately play phone-tag; and both should have gainful employment. Unless one or both of you are independently wealthy, fully-retired on a pension; or live on significant investments.
If that were the case, he'd have transportation. From what you've indicated; it seems he receives unemployment compensation,or collects a disability stipend of some kind. The three of you couldn't live on that! You'd be the primary bread-winner.
You're a mother. Like you said, you already know what the advice is going to be. A kid depends on your good judgement; and his or her safety and welfare relies on your making sound-decisions.
If you have an adult son or daughter; you can play games, and take risky chances. The only one likely to get hurt is you. If you make a foolish slip, no telling what could happen to you; and you might end-up losing your child. Set a better example for your kid than having friends with benefits. Teach your kid something about real-commitment.
Maybe you might need to learn?
Whatever bad-habits you have, or poor-choices you make; your kid picks-up, and does the same.
That bum is in noway serious. He's testing your gullibility, and hoping that you're stupid. Counting on his penis to somehow cloud your better-judgement. Telling you he wants a marriage and family, is a common-scam equivalent to telling a simple-minded woman: "I love you." Both go-over like some kind of mind-paralyzing drug.
The way you've explained how things have been going on only comes across as a bunch of nonsense; beside the fact he lives under unknown/weird circumstances. You should know better. He wants to marry and have children?!! Sounds more like a bum looking for a warm place to sleep, sex on-demand, and hot daily-meals. All of which you can provide. What's he got to put on the table? His penis?
Don't subject your child to this total foolishness. Just because you used to fool-around with this guy. Come on...seriously?!! He just needs a supplemental-income. You're just lonely and convenient. Maybe he just got an eviction notice; or he's just tired of fending for himself.
Let him settle-down with somebody else; who doesn't have another dependent-life to worry about. Besides, he leaves you hanging for days at a time. What the hell for?
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (23 July 2018):
 I would just block/ignore/delete.
If he can go silent for 2 weeks... you can decide, this is not what I want.
Saying nice things like wanting a family with you... it's him telling you things he KNOWS you would want to hear. That is his "hook". He hasn't moved on and neither have you... but he doesn't WANT you to move on, he is lonely and bored and YOU are the "entertainment".
What is he SO busy with if he doesn't even have a job?
If you can find time for texts and phone calls with a full time work and a kid... and he can't? That just means YOU aren't that big of a priority. After you said yes to "trying" something again, he figured he now has you hooked and doesn't have to put forth more effort.
If you WANT him to know you are done with this and his excuses, just wish him well and tell him you just can't see this going anywhere good.
And honestly? OP what would you do with an unemployed partner? I mean what can he add to your life overall? Someone who can't/won't even get a job and a productive member of society? How could you build a family with someone who doesn't have a steady income?
I think you should aim higher.
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