A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:ok, i was recently in a relationship with shall we say "x", we met online and chatted on the phine for about 3 weeks, then we met and had a really good couple of days together, we really hit it off, then the week after she came to visit me and again everything was good, until at only the second time of meeting her she told me she loved me, now i am a very insecure guy, i find it very hard to trust people that matter to me, it is a completely different type of trust that your dealing with when your involved in a relationship, anyway when she said she loved me the first thing i said back to her was no no no no no it's way to soon, then she just looked at me and i kind of felt pressurised to say it back, so i did, anyway a few weeks after that she went out with friends, and ended up back at her best mates house, who is male, but i no for a fact that they are just friends, trust me he is gay!!! anyway she rang me in the early hours of the morning but wasn't making any sense, she was paraletic, then i hear her say in a quite voice mmmmmmm stop it, then told me to talk to her best friend, i didn't want to talk to him so i hung up, instantly alarm bells started ringing, i called her back, but the phone just rang out, the next day i asked her about it, she has since told me that she don't remember making the call to me, she don't remember answering her phone, yet she remembers nothing happened!!!! remember she told me she loved me after the second time of meeting, i am insecure as i have allready said, and i find it very hard to trust people that matter to me, she trusts people from the word go, she has since lied to me about something else, nothing to do with cheating just who she had recieved a txt msg off, she has been cheated on herself before with the guy who was the love of her life, she still has contact with him but they do live the length of the country so i no nothing is happening there, but should i believe her when she says nothing happend that night, when she has told me she don't remember making the call or that she must of put her phone in her bag, but again she don't remember, but she remembers nothing happened?? all replies greatly recieved, thanks everyone :)
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female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (29 August 2009):
 If you know the 'best friend' is gay then why are you worried that anything happened?? Maybe she was really drunk and didn't know what she was doing?..A lot of people phone their ex or their partner when they are drunk...it's a kind of attention seeking.
She sounds quite confused and mixed up and you, having trust issues means you are going to react to every little thing. Deal with your own insecurities, try to be rational about things and give every new person you meet a chance to prove their trust. If she gives you concerns then finish with her and find someone else.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 August 2009): The reasoning I would use in your situation is as follows:
It's hard to forget a whole night's activity, even when you're drunk but easy to forget something like, going to the bathroom at a certain point, or say... calling someone. She doens't have to lie to you and tell you that she doens't remember the phone call. What's the difference if she called you or not? If she did remember, she would just say "i'm sorry I called. NOthing happened though." but in her claim that she doens't remember, she's saying "I don't remember calling. nothing happened though."
You see my point? It makes no difference. Calling someone is not something that you lie to the person you called about. The damage was done when the phone call was made, not when she admitted it or didn't; so her lieing about it would be absolutely pointless. And i'm sure she knows that.
Anyway.. no one really knows if she remembers except her. but as I said, that's the reasoning I would use. And like you, I have waaaaaaaaay bad trust issues.
Goodluck.
~Sy.
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