A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hello.First off let me thank you for even viewing this question.I was in an emotionally [and occasionally physically] abusive relationship with a guy for 18 months. It was my first relationship. I finally gained the courage to leave in January 2008 [over a year ago] and yet I still haven't got over it. I haven't had a boyfriend since then. I've told people the basics of what happened, but nobody knows the full truth. I don't think that I will ever be able to reveal what really happened. The thing is, again, I still haven't got over it. I need closure. I believe that the only thing which will help me over it is to hear him say that he did wrong, which I know will probably never happen. I need to hear him say that he made a mistake and that he is sorry for what he put me through. I still have nightmares about the relationship. When I am having a nightmare, and I think that I am still with him, I feel this awful pressure on me that I can't get rid of until I find the strength to wake up and realise that it was just a dream.I don't know what to do. I need you to be honest and tell me if I am being pathetic and whether or not I should just get over it?Thanks xxx Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 August 2009): I don't know how to reply as the original poster of the question, but I can assure you that's me.Your words meant a lot to me, thanks so much! Since reading your advice, I talked to my best friend and told her what happened during the relationship, and she has now said that she will help me. I understand a lot of what you said, and again would like to say thanks for taking the time out to read this question. I think I will soon feel good enough to move on from everything. I couldn't have done this without you.xxx
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 August 2009): You are not being pathetic at all...i was in an emotionally abusive relationship a couple years ago and it still bothers me. You can never get closure from a person who abused you because how can you ever believe they are being sincere? U need time and you need to deal with your feelings by confronting them straight on. You are already better than he is because you ended it. No one has the right to say "oh just get over it already he was just a boy", just take your time to deal with every memory and every feeling you experienced and try to learn from it, take what you can from the experience so it doesnt happen again. There are various ways to get help too..unfortunately i found that no matter how many times i spoke to my friends it didnt make it feel any better, what made me feel better was a lot of crappy romance movies and talking to myself about it. Not telling anyone about what really happenned is damaging though because by telling a lie you are going to believe it and you need to understand and deal with exactly what happened, not a cleaner version.
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