A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi, My fiance is going out tommorow night to liverpool with a load of guys who want to go to a lap dancing bar, when I first got with my fiance I explained that I do not like these kind of things and he said he didnt like them either and promised me he wouldn't go. However last year one of his mates turned 21 and they ended up in one and he explained that the only reason he went in was he would have been on his own. Now he is going out again but he has told me that if they do nip into one then he will not go in. Should I believe him after he broke the promise the first time.
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female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (9 May 2008):
 Your guy sounds like he cares about you and your feelings, very good start. I think that Birdy and Lonelytwo gave some very good advice, which is to just trust him to do the right thing. It's difficult to do, I know, but if you two have a good relationship, I sincerely doubt he would do anything to hurt you.
I think we women have a hard time understanding the male bonding stuff that goes on between mates, and the fact that men are visual creatures, and just enjoy looking at naked women. I'm totally with Birdy and you on the no-touch thing, as that's something that I think crosses the line too.
If you tell him not to go, he probably would comply, but it may lead to resentment on his part and might not be the best way of dealing with it. I'd tell him that you love him, that you trust him with your heart and know that he loves you too. Then let him go and hang out with his mates. Don't let your self-confidence be beaten down by this, okay?
Here's the thread that I posted on earlier that might help you too.
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/question-for-the-boys-and-men-on-this.html
If he was going every week, then we'd have a quite different worry.
All the best.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 May 2008): Relationships are about trust, trust him, even if he does go into one that he won't do anything he will regret latter.
For the most part, these places are somewhat innocent that you don't have to worry about your guy either touching any body parts (with the exception of placing a bill (money) in there underwear.
Remember to that he is a young guy, hanging out with the guys and this is typical, if not normal. I personally was not interested in strip clubs.
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A
female
reader, birdynumnums  +, writes (9 May 2008):
 One of the Aunties wrote a great response to this type of question recently and I was in total agreement with her. It's one thing to go to a strip club on rare occasions, it's probably expected for a bachelor party, for example. But it's just plain creepy and wrong for it to be a place to go three or four times a week. Eeewh. I would not mind if my husband went as part of a bachelor party - but NO TOUCHING! LOOKING ONLY! Touching other females is cheating, whether or not they call it a lap dance or not. Prostitutes sell sex and he's not allowed to do that either, so what is it about lap dancing that would make it any less appropriate to do with a ANOTHER WOMAN if you are in a relationship? That's a big No-No. I would be worried about his friends egging him on. He needs new friends. There are certain guys that I don't like my husband hanging out with, even at his age, and guys who treat women like pieces of meat are one of those types!!! As long as you and he have talked this all through and he has given you his word, you should trust him. If you DO find out he's slipped up one further time, talk to him about his friends, or horn in and show up next time! He does sound like a good guy and that he is trying to win your trust. Good Luck!
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