A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have a problem. My best friend annoys me. She's a very kind person but she tries way too hard. She's always been kind of insecure because she's (I'm really not trying to be mean by saying this, but it's true) one of the dumbest people I know. Lately she's been pulling this whole act like she knows better than me. When I have trouble with my boyfriend, she freaks out and says I should just break up with him and that I'm "blinded by love". She's like this with all her friends' boyfriends, and I think it's because she's jealous that she doesn't have one. When she does find herself in relationships, the guys always end up being assholes and she puts up with it, and is ACTUALLY blind to the way they treat her. I know it sounds like we're just both on the same level, but whereas I dump my boyfriends if they do something to break my trust, my friend stays with guys who are off sleeping with every other girl they see. It's hard to explain but the bottom line is, I feel like she's very insecure still and so she tries to act like she's better than everyone else in order to hide her insecurity. She is someone I can trust when I need them the most, but she is not someone I can enjoy my time with otherwise, because she is just so ridiculous! Really dense and her insecurities are plaguing her life. I know this is not her fault and I've tried to help her... but everytime I mention something to her about it she just shuts off and either gets really defensive or just doesn't listen (and I try to be as gentle as possible). So I can't attempt to fix any problems I have, and I want to look past it because she is a great person, but it's so hard because she just annoys me to PIECES.
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female
reader, Emilysanswers  +, writes (5 November 2008):
It's a normal friend who can be gentle and try and take a helpful softly softly approach.
It's a true friend that can be honest enough to say "look stop doing this or you are going to start losing friends. It's not big / clever so sort your life out."
Be calm and honest and tell her that she needs to look at the way she is behaving.
Good Luck!! xx
A
female
reader, Lamb  +, writes (5 November 2008):
sounds like your friend is insecure. chances are she is aware that she is less smart and less successful than you. a very hard position to be in. doesn't help the self-esteem much. i can understand how the over-compensation could get annoying. why don't you try spending a little less time with her, avoiding situations where she's likely to be at her most irritating (gosh this sounds harsh doesn't it??). what i mean is, try to make sure when you do see her, that your'e being a good friend. a good friend doesn't get annoyed easily. if you need a break to allow your annoyance levels to subside, i think this will improve your friendship.
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