A
male
age
36-40,
*issingiscautery
writes:I'm definitely not someone who would usually reach out to a random person for help or advice, but I really don't know where else to go with this. Let me explain my situation.I dated a girl for 2 and a half years who ended up cheating on me in a very unusual way, and directly after our break-up, she began sleeping around. I'm just throwing that part in there in case it has anything to do with your advice. The real situation is that about 2 months later, I met a girl who fit me a lot better. I ended up falling in love with her, but we've been going for ups and downs now in the last 2 years. She's never cheated on me, and I've never cheated on her. The thing about her, is that she's very innocent. I was her second sexual partner, after her first, whom she only had sex with once. Anyway the last 3 months we spent apart. I just recently began talking to her again, and she let me in on the fact that she had been sleeping with her 28 year old next door neighbor for the last two weeks. She's 19. I'm 21. She did tell me that she told him last week they wouldn't be sleeping together anymore because he didn't want a relationship, and she didn't want to be used.Now, this is where it gets strange. I'm not jealous, I don't believe. I mean, I am a little, but I'm not angry or upset. I don't even have the right to be, we were completely single, and she is her own person after all. But naturally, it bothers me. But it's in a strange way. I found myself asking her all sorts of inappropriate questions, like how big he is, how long it lasted... etc. And even though she told me, I still can't stop thinking about it. I try picturing it for some reason. I try to see how it all went down. I try to understand it. My question is, how can I really get over it? And how should I deal with the fact that this guy lives right next door if we ever continue our relationship?I understand it all comes down to trust... And I do trust her, but obviously there will always be that certain level of discomfort since they have to see each other often, living next to each other and all.How do I deal with that discomfort if I ever wish to date her again?Sorry this sounds so strange, I'm trying to chop 5 years down into a short story!Signed, Kissing Is Cautery
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cheated on me, jealous, neighbour Reply to this Question
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male
reader, kissingiscautery +, writes (6 November 2008):
kissingiscautery is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks guys. I definitely keep telling myself not to ask for the details... But I find it almost impossible to not ask for some reason. I think there's something wrong with me or something.
And for the tip about if I have to see him regularly... yeah, that's a good point, I didn't think that far into it. Thanks a lot for that too... I'll have to keep trying to figure this out.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 November 2008): Hey you may be able to move on for a bit but if you have to see the guy regularly it would be something that would keep reminding you about the fact that she slept with him. And as your relationship grows and the love grows the hurt will also grow. Its better to move on now rather than later. Please learn from this experience that next time dont bother to find out specific details they never help atleast not in these cases.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 November 2008): You're comparing yourself to her experience, because she's as innocent as you think she is, her little experience makes it easier to compare the few men she's been with.
It might be bothering you about what she thinks of you in bed compared to those other people she was with.
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A
male
reader, kissingiscautery +, writes (5 November 2008):
kissingiscautery is verified as being by the original poster of the questionanyone...? :(
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