A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I've been with my boyfriend for nearly 2 months now (i know its not long) and I'm starting to feel really insecure about it. This is because at the beginning he text me all the time and always looked out for me to make sure I was okay, now when we don't see each other I'm lucky if I get two texts off him in a day, if i text him during the day he doesnt usuall yreply til gone 9pm at night yet he still finds time to go on facebook on his phone and hang out with his mates after work and i just dont understand how he doesnt have the time to text me back when he has time to do all this. I have my past insecurities because I've had a string of bad experiences with my boyfriends getting back with exes so I just worry more. I asked my boyfriend if he could reassure me about it last night and he text me back this morning with his reasons of why he hasnt been able to contact me so much lately (he's been ill with flu, has dodgy hours of work). His response was "My bodys been through a lot the past week cos ive been ill, im still trying to recouperate, its hard to find time to sleep nevermind anything else :/". No reassurance. However he still finds time to see me 3-4 times a week and things are fine when we're together. Should I be worried that we don't speak so much when we're apart? I don't want to keep pestering him about it because I don't want to bug him or become really clingy :(
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (15 March 2012):
 Sorry, I am sure it's a generational thing, and I must be at fault , but I can't help thinking that this constant need for contact and reassurance via text ( not only yours,issues like yours pop up frequently on DC ) is bizarre and sort of childish . Like a child that won't let go of mom's hand even when he sleeps.
You see each other 3-4 times a week, and everything is fine when you meet in person. When you are apart, there's still daily contact.. Enough ; let him be. Accept that he has a life, beyond his romance. Accept that he may like you a lot, or even love you to bits, but does not think about you 24/7, he also has other stuff in his mind , and if for you it's not the same, perhaps you should start learning from him and devote more time to your friends , hobbies, family, whatever.
I could understand perhaps the pleasure of having lengthy , intimate, deep phone convos . But , why do you want the poor guy go all day back and forthing " I'm here , you there ? Miss you, miss me too ? xoxoxo ". That may make you feel that you have total control of his attention and it's reassuring, but actually makes for a superficial communication pattern that brings nothing more to the relationship.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 March 2012): i have been with my boyfriend for like 4months and he txts me as soon as he wakes in the morning! i have to tell him to
shurrup sometimes but if he didnt then i guess id think i wasnt on his mind or he didnt want to talk to me and it is nice to see how his day is going or feel he can talk to me if hes ill orr about uni work
just tell him how u feel, he doesnt have to text u constantly but it is nice to feel hes thinking about you and not just txting u wen he feels like, its not fair to you, ive been with guys lk him before and its very hard coz u think ohhh he doesnt want me but just have a proper talk with him
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 March 2012): I don't think you have anything to worry about. you don't need to be texting each other all the time when your apart, believe me that gets old really quick. He sees you about 3-4 times a week and does get back to you, even if it is at 9pm at night. yes he may be on facebook or hanging with friends after work, That is a good thing to keep up with your friends, even if your in a relationship, it makes it healthier in your relationship and makes the time you do spend together even more special. Relax a bit, you could become very clingy and that will push him away. My brother's girlfriend kept going on at him because he wouldn't text back straight away, he made sure he called her at least once a day, but she kept pushing it (he drives a truck for a living) and kept going on about it. As much as he loved her, he had to break up with her because he just couldn't take it. Don't let this happen to you. A text is actually meant to be for things that aren't urgent and that can be left to get back to later, so treat them as this. Good Luck
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