A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and i have been having problems. I feel his best friend wants to take him away from me. We'll be together for a year in 2 weeks. He tells me he loves his best friend but is in love with me. I feel he is gonna pick her over me. She constantly tells him that she has feelings for him. I trust him but should i be worried?
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 July 2009): I'm the best friend of a guy (10 years running) who has had numerous girlfriends question our friendship. He is always there for me, buys me expensive gifts, takes care of me in over the top ways and yet when there have been opportunities to be together he has turned me down time and again. It is agonizing for me to have someone treat me so nice but always have girlfriends and not like me "that way", and I have NO IDEA what his motivation is for being so sweet and caring to someone who is not his girlfriend, but in our case his girlfriends never had anything to worry about. Once he told me that when he breaks up with a girl he never sees or talks to her ever again. And that he loves me so much as a friend and person that he just couldn't risk that with me.Does that mean he doesn't care about his girlfriends? Nope. It's a special kind of friendship I have with my best friend, but doesn't cross a line, so the girlfriend shouldn't worry.Now, if the girlfriend were to put down an ultimatum, of course he'd choose his best friend. And if he didn't, you would have to question his overall loyalty and wonder if he won't just dump you later down the line.A loyal guy is worth his weight in gold. I have seen many girls lose my best friend by being irrational and petty. Treat him with respect like his best friend does. Don't earn an unfavorable comparison by demanding his time and attention, being jealous, or making ultimatums. Do things right and he will love you with all his heart, something she will never have and will likely be jealous of but have no control over, because she can't make him love him once he has made up his mind. A man can make up his own mind. Make it easy for him to want to be with you and not need to run to her for female respect, positive attention and friendship... soon they will likely drift apart because he has all he needs in a woman with you.But even so, respect their friendship the same way you would hopefully respect his friendship with a man, it will pay off in the end.If she has feelings for him, it is likely she resents you... so do everything you can to make yourself look worthy to her, be kind to her because it hurts to watch the man you love love somebody else. Once she likes, respects and even approves of you, she will find it hard to begrudge either one of you and hopefully find someone for herself to love. Think, too, about how any guy she loves will need to meet your boyfriend's approval. It is a complicated thing, but if you handle it like an adult it will definitely work out. Two pre-approved couples can go on double dates without awkwardness and maintain lifelong friendships based on trust and mutual respect. This will be something that can be laughed about down the line, if he is loyal to his best friend he will be loyal to you and that means there is nothing to be worried about.Good luck anyway.
A
male
reader, RAINORFIRE +, writes (17 July 2009):
 you shouldnt worry buti dont beleive a male and female can be friends with out having attraction for each other over timeunless they are sister and brother. only time will tell who he chooses. If I where you, the next time a guy ask for your number, give him your email because your bf might not be around much longer
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