A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:my wife cheated on me just before we separated. she then slept with another 3 guys while we were apart, 1 of them she works with. we are now back together and she finally told me about it after someone let part of the story slip. now she is always telling me that she loves me so much and i am the only person who has made her climax during sex. the guy she works with use to talk and text her all the time. i have recently checked her phone but there seems to be no contact anymore. i am angry, scared and in lots of ways feeling rejected. when she tells me i am sexy, that she loves me and we make love, i like it but the spark definately not there. any suggestions on how i can feel more into it or is this normal.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 July 2009): thanx to all who answered. i have taken all on board and i have been doing some thinking. maybe she was just seeing if the grass is greener, maybe not.i love her with all my heart, and strangely i have been wondering wot green grass tastes like. i have never through this way before(as in cheating)i no it would be wrong of me to cheat, but would it make me feel better???? has anyone been in the same situation???
A
male
reader, Denizen  +, writes (20 July 2009):
 You are probably going through hell right now. I can't tell you how I feel for you. It's broken and it will never be the same. I'm so sorry. Take heart. Around the corner something good is coming, but not how you expect.
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A
male
reader, GrimmReality  +, writes (18 July 2009):
 She only told you because she got narced off by someone. You may have never found out for awhile had that not happened. Of course she will come crawling back. She has you as security. You need to at least get yourself tested for an STD if you are having sex with her again. God only knows if you could believe her if she said she used protectionWe like to hold on to a shred of something that it was a mistake, or just one time, or it was you fault.You forgave her, She will mind her P's and q's until your guard is down, then BAM...you will be back here writing that you cant believe it happened again? She already knows she can. She cheated on you and you took her back. So actions not words are what is required of her. She should be getting a different job post haste(since one of the guys works with her) because I'm sure it won't stop if they are still in this close a proximity. You check her phone....If they want to cheat (apparently she does) she will find another way to communicate. She has at least one surefire way by working with this one guy!I hate to be so harsh, sir. I do feel for you. But please understand that you have blinders on about this if you think this is going to just stop. She exhibits all the signs of someone who is putting on an act. When she is telling you that you are the only guy that ever made her climax, then why did she have to go outside the marriage for sex? perhaps to see if the grass was greener on the other side? To see if the climax was different with another man?I can't fault you for wanting to save your marriage,. but if thats the case, she should be agreeing to marriage counseling, and access to all her passwords on her computers, cellphones, everything. She has to act with transparency in order to build back trust. She cheated not you.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 July 2009): Forget about how you "should" feel. Concentrate on how you actually do feel.
I agree that at the very least this relationship needs to basically start over. I'll bet the woman you were originally dating and then married to would never have done what this woman did. So this woman is now a different person. You need to see if this person is still enough like what you want in a wife to stay married to her. Maybe she is, maybe she is not.
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A
male
reader, Denizen +, writes (17 July 2009):
It's going to take a lot of getting over. She may have felt trapped; she may have wanted a little excitement and glamour in her life. Nevertheless what's done is done, and she has told you about it for a reason.
I think you will need to redraw the rules of your relationship. In fact I believe that most couples in a long-term relationship need to do that at some point. It's a bitter pill to swallow but love conquers all they say. Redrawing the rules of your relationship may be the answer if you are to continue together.
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