A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have been with my boyfriend for six months. He is 30 and I'm 29, and we started living together about a month ago. It was around this time when he first told me he loved me too. Things are going really well. We get along great and are very sexually attracted to each other also. The thing is, I have a hang up about his ex. We have talked openly about all our previous relationships. His most recent ex girlfriend he was with for a year -I'm not jealous of her.. They were more like friends and no sexual attraction really. But he admitted to me that he was not over his previous ex when he was with her. He said that he was not over her fully until he met me and says I'm 'special'. He was only with her for 8 months and she treated him terribly. She was controlling and bitchy and she also had a young son who he got quite attached to. He said that was the hardest part - not seeing the kid again. Anyway! My insecurities stem from this: I read his Facebook messages to her about three months ago. It was a casual to and fro conversation hi how are you bla bla bla that had happened about a month before. I don't mind that, but when I casually asked him when the last time he spoken or been in touch with her, he said it was months and months ago. So I admitted I had read the messages to which he said he had forgotten about it. Fine ok I accept that. Then the other day, we got hooked up to the Internet in our new apartment, I saw that he had looked on her profile. He said it was nothing I love you not her so don't worry. I live with you and I wanted that etc. hugs kisses love yous...My question is should I be worried that he's still not over her?? I'm concerned now that he will start deleting the history on the computer and I just won't know if he does it regularly. I know I shouldn't be looking anyway but I need to know!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 April 2013): It sounds like he is serious about you. And I think I can guess what's going through his mind when he's on her profile.'He was only with her for 8 months and she treated him terribly. She was controlling and bitchy and she also had a young son who he got quite attached to.'I've been in a relationship with someone who was manipulative and emotionally abusive. I got close to his family and friends who were all lovely. Since breaking up with him, I've been in a happy and loving relationship for Three years with my current partner.I bumped into the ex's mum who I got on really well with recently and she updated me about ex's life. It piqued my interest and I looked him up on FB (didn't add him as a friend and I rejected the multiple times that he added me) I just wanted to make sure that he wasn't happily getting on with his life after emotionally scarring me. I was happy to see that he is still the prick I broke up with who has trouble with relationships. It made me feel better. It made me feel like he didn't treat me badly and get away with it. Once I started going on his profile, I kept going on it, more as a habit than anything else. I don't know when it hit me that I was wasting my time, unhealthy for me and that my current boyfriend would not like or understand this so i stopped checking up on the ex's profile.So it might be that your bf is doing the same thing.However, I don't think it is a good idea for them to be friends - if she was an abusive controlling person why does he want to stay friends with her? That includes on FB, no messaging, no catching up etc. Especially if it makes you uncomfortable.I'm not saying tell them not to be friends. I'm saying tell him how uncomfortable their friendship makes you and your reasons why. He should come to the conclusion on his own to break up this friendship. If he doesn't come to this conclusion then I would worry about how much he cares about your feelings.As for the ex's son. He needs to get over it. Yes he had a bond with him but that's life you can't have everything. He's not the father so he doesn't have any duty to stay in touch. If anything, he's only confusing the little one if he stays in his life along with all the other men his mum dates.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 March 2013): I'm not sure but it sounds like he is really into you.. Give it some time and work on why exactly you are jealous.
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