A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I have been together for about five months. We are grown- I'm almost 30, he's 35... Our relationship is fantastic and I am very happy with him. But there is this one thing that keeps bothering me a little bit. He's not romantic, or lovey dovey, at all, really. We haven't said the "L" word yet, but he says things like, "I miss you", and when we are together (a few times a week), he's very attentive and sweet, we have a blast together, etc. My point is-I know he enjoys me, but he doesn't do some of the things that I assume boyfriends are "supposed" to do.For example, he didn't get me anything for Christmas. I chalked it up to the fact that we weren't dating for that long, and therefore, I shouldn't have necessarily expected anything (even though I got him something small- a scarf). And now, I'm a little nervous about Valentine's Day coming up. I've hinted (in a fun, joking way) about the holiday, and I can't imagine him not taking me out or getting me anything. But what if he doesn't?? Is a lack of romance a true indication of his feelings for me, or are some men just that clueless or uninterested in that sort of thing? I should mention- he is very cuddly, our sex life is great, and there's really nothing else that concerns me. Should I be worried? Should I just learn to stop expecting certain things?
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (8 February 2012):
 He may be one of those NON-ROMANTIC men. It does NOT reflect on how he feels about you but rather how he shows you…. IT’s just his style. Sadly YOU may NEED those romantic gestures to KNOW how he feels if he does not tell you.
5 months is not a long time together and HINTS are game playing so you need to sit down with him and TELL him how you feel and what you need…he may say “well that’s not me” and you may have to decide if you can deal with it or not… if you KNOW how he feels and he is practically perfect in every other way then you may decide to stay with him.. but know that it will never change and it may be a sticking point even years down the road.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 February 2012): Well..let me tell you something, when a guy really cares about a woman of course all that kind the things matters!...if he cares only when he is with you and when is time to have sex that he is really "special" and etc etc...what do you think? You have the answer. Dont be naive. Tell him that you would like to celebrate valentine's day, can be a dinner or movie or whatever. Wait for his answer. I hope is positive. if he is into you for sure he will make effort to celebrate with you.
If he give you excuses or he avoid this..is better to walk out and move on. Let him to find another laid.
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A
female
reader, Lexie88  +, writes (8 February 2012):
 You are buying into the 'he should do this, he should do that' thing. This is the wrong thing to do. It sounds like you have a great guy so don't ruin it with expectations of what he should be doing. If he's attentive to you, appreciates you, respects you and so on...then there's no problem.
Do you want a guy who's lovey dovey or do you think you're supposed to have a guy like that? If your boyfriend makes you happy, don't worry about what society/the media says he should be like/what he should do.
I fell into this trap a long time ago and started to question whether my boyfriend truly loved me. I then got some sense into me and realised that being romantic doesn't mean much. He respects me, appreciates me, takes care of me and loves me. That's what matters.
I've dated guys in the past who were very 'romantic' but turned out to be idiots. Any womanizer can be romantic. You need to look deeper than that.
And as for presents/other expectations. If you want something you need to make it clear. I don't mean asking for a present but don't go around just hinting at things...guys aren't good at deciphering hints. If you want to do something for v-day then tell him you'd like to go out and celebrate. No need to get upset when he fails to read your mind.
And lastly, if you think you need a guy who's going to be romantic, give you flowers, sing to you, etc...maybe this guy isn't for you. If you don't need these things, stop wondering and enjoy your relationship. Your boyfriend sounds like a good guy.
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