A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Okay. So this is going to be quite long but here goes. .... Iv been with my boyfriend 3 years. We live together. I love him, and iv got strong beliefs about relationships, I'm not the kind of person to just walk out on them. I'm by no means perfect. I'm human. I make silly mistakes, I cause arguments occasionally, i can be nasty. But all in all I think I'm a good person, with good morals, and a good partner, who takes care of her boyfriend, tries to make him happy, honest, faithful.So the problem: just some examples of things hes done or said in the past 3 years (would be here all day if I listed them).- accused me constantly of being up to something. Of being a liar. About everything. - followed me to check up on me. (thinks I havent seen him)- hid across the road from my workplace to observe me.- stopped me from going to family events, because he didnt believe in them. - very jealous and paranoid - everything, and I mean everything is evidence of something wrong (saying hi to someone iv known all my life= i must have slept with him at one point)- controlling. Not allowed to leave house without his "permission"- reminds me constantly that if I were to cheat he would kill me. Not a cheater but hardly matters when every single thing sets his paranoia off.- forced me into an abortion - told me he'd kill me if I went through with it. Didn't want "his" child growing up without him.- breaks up with me all the time. When I start making progress at leaving, he changes his mind, convinces me to stayThese are just very few things. The problem is however I just can't pull myself away. When I try he makes me feel guilty. We have got some good memories and I focus on them.Just don't know what to do anymore. I'm pulling away from him, but it's hard, because I love him despite everything.
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female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (8 February 2012):
 You say:
*We have got some good memories and I focus on them.*
So you are saying you live in the past and think you just have to SUCK it up forever?
Why can't you leave? Do you really see yourself with this guy the next 1-5-10 years? He is not a partner, he is your jailer. Take those ridiculous rose colored glasses off and see him for WHO he is. Decide if you can live with him and be happy or not, if the answer is NOT, then you need, to get your ducks on a row and get out. NO ONE but YOU can make this decision. There is no reason to act like a "martyr", you are not married to him and you have family who would support you in getting away from him I'm sure.
Do me a favor and READ your own post again. Pretend someone else wrote it. WHAT would you advice HER to do?
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (8 February 2012):
 You are being abused. Do you want to stay with an abuser?
Do you want to die at the hands of your abuser? You may if you stay.
why can't you leave? has he battered your self-esteem into the ground so badly that you think you don't deserve to be cherished and loved and trusted?
Make a list on one side of the paper of all the good things of the relationship (the pros)
then make a list on the other side of the same paper of all the bad things (the cons)
which list is longer?
if the pros outweigh the cons and you choose to stay; you have to suck up that you will be with a man who will abused you and may kill you....
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 February 2012): "I want to get out, but I cant."
If you can't get out, then it's pointless to even discuss it OP. You know that's the only solution to this, but it's not an option you're willing to consider so it's pointless giving you any advice.
Good luck OP, this is only get a lot worse and when it all finally blows up which it will you will be a broken woman.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 February 2012): Sounds like something off Jeremy Kyle. This is in no way a healthy relationship
None of us is perfect or blameless, but this man is controlling you in the worst possible ways. If he really cared he wouldn't treat you like this.
Block out the threats and emotional blackmail and leave him. Get support from your family and friends to help stay strong
He needs counselling he is not relationship material.
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A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (8 February 2012):
 Run. Run. RUN.
This guy is a nightmare and the sooner you get out of this relationship the better it is for you. I'm uncomfortable just reading about this! He's crazy, obsessive, his behavior is dangerous and he can hurt you. Its not something that can be put right anymore, you have to walk away and STOP rationalizing his behavior by saying that you make mistakes too. There is a difference between causing a few arguments as opposed to threatening to kill someone and stalk them and control them.
If you stop romanticizing the relationship, you will see him for what he is. But you you keep thinking "oh, how can I leave him, I love him so much", then you never can. Just snap out of it.
This man is a nightmare. Creepy. Scary.
Your safety is in your own hands. Stop being silly about the situation and take control.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (8 February 2012):
 He threatened to kill you unless you had an abortion.
This guy is scary. You should walk away. No, you should run away and get a lot of help, because if he's already threatening your life, it should be taken seriously.
You need to walk away. Walk out on him. This guy is bad news. By not walking away and staying away, you want to be with him more than you want to be without him.
Become financially independent and make sure you can live on your own away from him. Talk to every friend and relative you have because you're going to need them.
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