A
female
age
36-40,
*ilminx09
writes:Hi there, my problem is, well for starters, to me and everyone who knows me, i have a fantastic relationship, i have an brilliant boyfriend who i have been with for apprpx 18 mths, we have lived together the last 9 mths. i have 2 children, one is 6 and youngest is 2. Im 24 yrs old so is bf. we have everything in common, he loves my kids so much and we both work really hard. We never argue, and are very much in love, and talk about spending the rest of our lives together. We are both quite attractive and everyone says we are perfect together. My problem is i know my bf likes to watch porn, when ive left for work or on a night out, we have sex more then likely everyday, and its a very good sex life too. But it pains me when i know he's watched it. Even if ive gone out for a few hours i can guarantee he's been on the laptop, he deletes from history however websites are still there. Ive mentioned it before but he says its normal and its just a bit of stimulation when masturbate, I too masturbate when he's out on a night, so know what it feels like. But i dont need porn. so i have come to tems with it. My prob is, i checked his emails i have no reason not to trust him, i have my insecurutes always thinking the worst, from my previous relationship, i know its my problem, and have to deal with it, however when i checked i found eamils from sex in ur city.com. i was mad and went on to website i know my bf's usernames and password as he uses same for everyhtin, its said member since feb 09 and last log on feb 09. he was away on business then, would u be worried? i know he was drunk this nght too.....what wud u do??/
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, a spades a spade +, writes (25 August 2009):
you sound like your mad on each other!
to be honest i'd bite the bullet and just tell him what i felt. he sounds like a normal guy, horny and curious, but if it makes you feel down then tell him. dont be too dramatic and tell him he has to stop, but i'd probably ask him why he wants to use these sites. it will probably put your mind at ease.
anytime i've felt a bit funny about this kinda stuff and mentioned it to my man, i usually find its the simplest excse, like my mate told me a bout it and i wanted to see what the fuss was about, or i seen a pop up of a girl and figured what the hell, i'll have a look.
dont let it eat you up either way.
i'm sure you 2 will be fine!
A
female
reader, lilminx09 +, writes (22 August 2009):
lilminx09 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for ur answers, i do believe he has just been curious mainly and checekd out the website, everything apart from this is fantastic in our relationship. I find this stuff out and then im down for a few days and a bit short with, obviously he has no idea why and if anything will ruin the relationship that will on its own. I think ill give him the benefit of the doubt, and then if anything else crops up, that will probably be the time when i take action. any more suggestions???xx
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A
female
reader, starfairy +, writes (20 August 2009):
 You need to be honest with him about your insecurities and how this makes you feel, otherwise it's going to eat you up inside and kill the relationship x
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A
female
reader, lilminx09 +, writes (20 August 2009):
lilminx09 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionAlso just to clarify there was no messages and u had to subscribe to message and recieve messages, it stated on the profile, looking for online flirting sexual relations etc, but no responce. This is the only night my bf has been away, and believe he loves me, just what was he lookin for that night? online flirting or quick hook up? i know hes been on live webcam websites too...it hurts me inside but dont know how to deal with. i know he truly loves me, and will literally do anything for me. Its just the whole sexual fantasy thing. Plus i can never tell him ive been snooping. So stuck!!? This encouter was over 6 mths ago. when i seen live webcam on the web browser i questioned it, and he said they were pop ups from the pornsite he was on, this was a month ago - and at the time i would not stand for him chatting to women on live webcams chatrooms.....he said he wouldnt and i know he hasnt been on them since just spankwire. yet yesterday i found this profile on sexinurcity, from feb, and logged into this webcam site which funnily enough hes a member of too...so what do i do - penalise him for something ive given him a warning for and he hasnt yet done anything wrong since. or finish it with him. he is reslly a great guy, and i too enjoy porn, hes a great bf and so good with my kids. and i wud marry him, just no how to react - it sought of feels like cheating.
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A
female
reader, a spades a spade +, writes (20 August 2009):
go with your gut, its always right.
but if your gut tells you its innocent (and there aren't any other signs) then you have to forget it and move on.
if you keep this in your head you'll just torment yourself to the point you are suspicious of everything he does.
and i'm not in anyway condoning cheating but if you really think he did, then you have to decide if you would forgive him, and if you do, then above still applies.
its a toughie but you know yourself and you know him. i'd be inclined to give him the benefit of the doubt, you dont mention any other signs or suspicions, but if you do, and he is the great guy you think he is, then talk to him and ask him.
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