A
female
age
13-15,
anonymous
writes:So I have been married nearly ten years in October . I don’t think we will make it . I’m in my late 40’s , I’m headstrong stuck in my ways. My so called partner the same . But in his early 40’s . Our lives took a terrible turn fir the worst mid 2020 when our eight year old son at the time six years old was not getting through school . He got diagnosed autistic level two . Sensory issues, major problems. I got assistance fairly quickly to get therapies for him . Prior to that I remember going on a short break for my birthday it was just one night cause our son was losing it not wanting us to go away . My husband was so loving thaf weekend in June 2020. That was the last time I felt loved . So fast forward now we had to suffer a dramatic move that was horrific ,incredible stress, more problems with schooling , judgements made by others , now it’s April 2022 . I am all alone and just with my son . Husband still lives I. The unit we live in . Has emotionally withdrawn from me , left me to deal with all things to do with my son goes abs works away every night and then sleeps all day then will go away for a week on end won’t call and ask about his son . Does g even care about me. But due to a crisis in housing where I live I have been unable to leave .he’s had yelling fits at me booming voice telling me off . I am just stuck I’m a carer for my son with no job I look after him full time I’m in total crisis . My life is imploding . My ex husband seems to have a poor opinion of me , so much so nothing can change his mind . I am not a bad person but I believe his neglect of me and his son is stunning . My son is a beautiful complicated boy . I believe my ex no longer loves me or our son . I never asked for any of thiIs. I need to improve my life
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female
reader, RubyBirtle  +, writes (6 April 2022):
Speak to the staff who are providing the therapies for your son. (Speak to whoever is coordinating those services.) Tell them what you told us. Find out if there's any family support you can access. It sounds like you and your husband could benefit from some family counselling.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 April 2022): You may want to correct your age-group in the heading of your post. You're far from being a preteen. I'm trying to figure-out if you're married, divorced, or both?
I can tell when an OP is totally stressed-out and distraught. They write rambling incoherent narratives with lots of misspellings and grammatical-errors (not being critical, I make errors too); but the point is, you're so upset you're not paying attention to what you're writing. A lot of the post doesn't make any sense. It's difficult to read your post; because one sentence runs into the next. First you refer to your partner as your husband; then you refer to him as your ex-husband. My heart goes out to you OP!
Take a breath, calm-down, and rewrite the post to be specific of whom you're talking about...your son, your husband, or someone who is now your ex-husband.
Most ex-husbands don't necessarily show a lot of affection, or concern, for their ex-wives; which is why they have divorced them. In rare instances, some divorced-couples become good friends; and are very civil to each-other. They co-parent as a cooperative team; placing the wellbeing and upbringing of their children at the forefront. Not that there won't be skirmishes and arguments along the way. It's for the sake of the children. Their civility is based on the assertion that the children are your first and foremost priority, as it should be. This isn't a perfect world we live in.
Don't expect your ex-husband to care much about you, if at all. If your son's emotional and psychological disabilities are difficult to deal with, don't be surprised that his father is going to leave most of the parenting and caretaking up to you.
It is most unfortunate that society (universally around the globe) places all the weight of nurturing and caring for children on the mother; and almost gives absentee-fathers and hands-off daddies a complete pass!!! It's acceptable, almost universally, that abandoned single-mothers raise children single-handedly. God only knows how this happened?!!! The double-standard persists in just about every society! It is generally accepted that you can ostracize a woman for being a "terrible mother;" but it's almost "meh," when it comes to a traveling sperm-donor, who indiscriminately spreads his seed. Then dumps his sex-partners and his own offspring; like a stray mongrel-dog, roving from one bitch in heat to the next. Never once looking back at the pups he has left behind. Never even so much as even wondering what they look like! When these poor pups grow-up, and come searching for them; they act as if the kid committed some sort of crime, or intruded on his privacy!!! This deserves a string of expletives, but I digress.
It astonishes me how these men bring children into the world, and are so completely detached, indifferent, and calloused towards their own flesh and blood! Some even start new families, and become contenders for the Father of the Year Award; but treat their older children like total strangers!
It's especially despicable and most outrageous that they completely turn their backs on children with disabilities, slight imperfections, and birth-defects; without even the slightest tinge of guilt or ill-conscience. Well, I guess, it is what it is!
You may want to seek-out local support groups to help you cope and deal with your day to day challenges and frustrations raising your son alone. Unfortunately, you can't make people care or love, if they don't. Your feelings and emotions come from the soul; we may succeed at evoking guilt and shame on a person, but you can't bring-out heart-felt love and attachment if it isn't there. You can report abuse, or alert authorities when child-support isn't being paid!
You should look into social programs that are free, or at minimal cost; in getting some daycare-assistance for your son with special needs. Unfortunately, in some places this help is non-existent. In others, they're so poorly funded, or badly run, they are essentially useless. You just have pray, and keep searching; until you find the help and support you need. Social services agencies should provide you with some referrals; but nothing ventured, nothing gained. It won't just drop into your lap. You've found us by searching, and that's how you get help for your son when you need it. Just don't expect it from an "ex-husband!" Make sure he pays his child-support and/or alimony; that's enforceable by court order, and executed through the applicable government agencies.
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