A
male
age
41-50,
*cratchit
writes:I am becoming very serious with my gf who has two young children. Their father is completely out of the picture. I have never had any children. They are very sweet; they love me and I love them. We've talked about having more together. I'm worried that she and I might have different ideas on how to raise them from time to time and this might alienate me if we don't agree on how to raise her kids. We both love each other VERY much but I'm worried! Should I be? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, cd206  +, writes (26 April 2007):
 It's possible. I get what you're saying, you're worried that if you have kids that are both of yours that you won't have the same degree of parental authority and responsibility for her children. Taking on another man's children is a difficult but brave thing to do but be careful to consider how you might feel if he ever comes back and wants to be part of the childrens' lives again. I don't think I can allay your fears that your girlfriend will give you equal decision making power with regards to her two children. I think the only solution is to talk to her and explain your worries and maybe discuss how you feel about certain childcare issues, like how to deal with discipline, bedtimes and other important issues. Good luck.
CD
A
female
reader, Rock chick +, writes (26 April 2007):
I think you are very lucky to feel the way you do and for the kids to feel the way they do too.Even "true" parents have differences - you just need to talk about them and not be bullied or bully..Compromise is a good way to go
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A
female
reader, mcbirdie +, writes (26 April 2007):
 You aren't just getting serious with a woman, you are getting serious with an entire family. Of course you should be concerned about how you would be a part of that.Couples fight all the time over how to raise their children, and you will be in a unique situation that she has been raising these children on her own for some time now. It is possible that the two of you have very different ideas about how active you are going to be in the actual raising of the children, and how to go about that.You need to have a frank, honest discussion with her. Don't just talk about the fluffier parts (the, "I love them"s and the "we'll have fun" parts), but talk about the gritty parts. Do you believe in spankings? Does she? Can you punish the children without consulting her? Can you tell them they can stay up later?Better to get all problems discussed out in the open as early as possible.Best of luck to all of you. :)
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A
female
reader, Amazax +, writes (26 April 2007):
No way, if your truely in love Im sure you can come to a compromise about how to raise your children, after all Im sure most couple disagree from time to time. I say have children and discuss what you both want to do that will suit the both of you
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