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male
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anonymous
writes: Hi,Well my girlfriend and I have been together for 3 years. She had to go away for a training seminar (work) for a month or so and we didn't get to communicate much. About two days ago she came back from the seminar and I saw some pictures of her being all cutesy with other male participants of the seminar (hugging) and even falling asleep while resting on their shoulder. Then she tells me that she got wasted and that's the reason why she fell asleep on his shoulder. I don't like this kind of behavior because I know I wouldn't do it to avoid hurting her. Unfortunately this is not the first time it happened and we have talked about it and I have told her it bothers me. That seems to have no effect on her and the fact that most of her friends are male. Am I being dramatic here? Reply to this Question
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male
reader, eddie  +, writes (6 June 2006):
 You're not being dramatic but it's you that doesn't like itn ont her. It doesn't mean she cheated either. The problem is, if you were to step back and look at a recepe for cheating, it appears she might have got to the third or fourth ingredient.
1.. go out partying
2.. get drunk
3.. be physically close with the opposite sex, obviously
enjoying herself
4.. vacation type frame of mind etc..
What's happening now is this. You're trying to piece together what MIGHT have happened later. There are a million possabilities and you'll never know. You weren' there. You can't possably know. That is the trust aspect of the relationship.
It's too bad she doesn't repect your feelings. I guess it depends on how you spin them. Maybe you are the jealous type. I don't know. Everybody puts the "cutsie" face on when out with people having fun. That's why it's called fun. Of course there is a certain feeling between members of the opposite sex. You see, you feel her pictures are cutsie. I've had a similar reaction to pictures of my wife in a group shot with everybody having their arms around the people on either side. It's innocent, natural and the way we pose for pictures. It bothers you because it's your girl and you're thinking the guy beside her is picking up on her mental state of having fun and letting her guard down a little. He might try to act on it. What will her response be? Again, you have to trust her. I went back and looked at other pictures when I felt like you and realized my wife poses as she poses with or without me there. Otherwise we'd look like our great great grandparents posing in those stuffy old suits 150 years ago. Long beards, longer dresses etc.
Is there any chance you're projecting your doubts on to her based on things you've done or felt? Anything and everything is possable. She could find someone attractive nice, whatever. It's what she does with those thoughts.
Did she show you the picture or were you snooping? If she showed you, I'd bet it was nothing. Otherwise she wouldn't have even let you see it.
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 June 2006): if you love her then believe her. all relationships are baised on trust, if you cant trust her than you dont have a real relationship. you are right to be mad. She needs to stop drinking when your not around or who knows whatll happen next time!
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