A
female
age
36-40,
*ostone
writes:Well I'll start by saying that my boyfriend and I have been together for almost four years and we've had our share of arguments, but we've both pretty much always been on the same page. It's a serious relationship and we're both aiming towards marriage if things keep going well.The problem is with this trip my boyfriend recently left for. He went to Pennsylvania to go see a female friend who he knows online and I've never talked to, I think she's a year or two younger than us. He went by himself and is staying there for one week at her house.I was a little worried at first because I am a bit jealous. My boyfriend really can't stand most girls and aside from me, this girl is the only other one who he converses with, so it's kind of a special case to me. I decided to act cool and not make a big deal out of it and let him go, but the more I think about it the more I worry. I know he loves me, but I'm the only real relationship he's ever had. He can be very naive and I find myself not trusting that he will be completely faithful to me if this girl turns out to be everything he sees in me. He's never traveled this far by himself and he never called me to let me know he got there safely (he doesn't have a cellphone, as strange as that is nowadays) so I have no way to contact him and he won't contact me.Sorry that this is so long. It's a few more days til he gets back and I'm a bit peeved about him not calling me, but should I be worried about him cheating? And if something does happen, how can I make sure I get honest answers from him when he gets back? Thanks in advance for any help!
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female
reader, lostone +, writes (12 August 2008):
lostone is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell he came back and I got to talk to him today. He was honest with me and I had every right to be worried. It went so far within a week that he told her he loved her, and he doesn't love me the same way he used to. As much as I prepared myself for this, I can't let go. I'm not sure he can either because he couldn't stop himself from being affectionate to me and breaking down and wanting to be around me, but right now I don't know if it is guilt or his actual feelings.
As things stand now, he says he needs to think more. We are still very young and I am the first real relationship he's had. I don't know if this girl played at his heartstrings or what, but I've seen his heart can be very fickle. I don't know what will come of this; either his infatuation or "love" for this girl will win over, or this mistake will make him realize what love is, and how much I've been there for him and that he was taking things for granted and he will be better from this.
Thank you everyone for your somewhat harsh! yet kind feedback. It helped me realize the danger zone we'd entered and to prepare for what was to come, though nothing can quite prepare you for heartbreak. I wish everyone luck and happiness.
A
female
reader, LIERIN +, writes (7 August 2008):
 I dont know girl
I would not trust a word he is saying! I mean, how can he leave to a different state for a week to a womans house, that he have met only online??? Why is he going there without you? What is the main reason???
I do not blame you that you are this curious about his trip. I would honestly go bananas!!!!
If he comes home all happy .. telling you how gret the trip was .. I would ask more than couple of questions and wanted streight answer!!!!
I hope it was really an inoscent trip
Good luck
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A
male
reader, tbear +, writes (6 August 2008):
I would like to say that I see good things that could come out of this situation, but there really aren't any. First, I cannot measure the love, admiration, and respect he has for you if he wanted to go spend time with another woman and live with her for a week. There simply isn't enough there to measure.
No matter how naive a man is, there are still animalistic needs that drive all men. If he comes back and tells you that he had a wonderful time, she's a great friend, nothing happened, are you really ready to completely believe him. Will this trip put a permanent undercurrent in your relationship of not know what "truly" happened because you weren't there, and you know absolutely nothing about this other woman that he is living with.
Any psychologist will tell you that the reason we do things is because there is a benefit or payoff for us. What is the benefit or payoff he is getting from traveling so far away to meet someone he met on the internet? It would be very hard for a plutonic friends to be maintain over such distances. It would be easier to have kept it online as others have suggested.
I too am sorry because I don't see this ending well for you. The friends that I have who have met others on the internet and were willing to travel to meet in person did so because if all was as portrayed, they were pretty sure sex was on the agenda. I have real friends that I have known for years that I would be hard pressed to travel and go see. Those kind of friends are extremely rare, and I can count them on one hand. In fact, I probably only have 3 of them. Of those 3, one I would go see just because he's my best friend, and the other two could call me and say I need you, and I would make the trip to help them out. I would never get into this situation unless sex was a possibility. I hope I'm completely wrong about this, but unfortunately, the odds aren't looking good.
Will you really believe nothing happened because he says it?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 August 2008): A special case? I honestly think you're deluding yourself.
You've never met her or chatted with her. You're taking his word for it that she's just an acquaintance - in which case why not just keep the friendship or whatever it is online rather than in person?
I've tried to think my way into your shoes and asked myself how I'd feel about this, and I wouldn't be the least bit happy about it. Why weren't you invited along too? I'm assuming this is the first time he's actually met her and that she's single. He might be naive, but the odds are she's not. She must have a phone line if she's got a computer. He could have easily called you. That's plainly inconsiderate that he hasn't.
If he's a 100% honest guy he'll be 100% honest about what happened during his trip. Trust your womens' intuition if you feel uneasy about his answers to any of your questions when he gets back.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 August 2008): I think even if he isn't going there to sleep with this girl, he is cheating. If she is only a 'friend' and you are an important part of his life, why didn't they invite you along? If he met her online, why can't he contact you by email or something while he is there? I think it may be time for both you and your boyfriend to branch out and meet other people / stop dating each other. I'm sorry because I know this is not what you wanted to hear. :-(
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