A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hey, to cut a long story short I’ll make my situation straight to the point. I'm married 1 kid she's 1 years old, so me and my husband got along like really well no problems or anything, then there came a period of time where one day after the other some one kept telling him I’m having an affair, (I wasn't totally and honestly I would not think of doing that ever in my whole life) then one day he got fed up of hearing the same thing so he asked me I told him straight I wasn't cheating on him never, but I guess who ever told him was more convincing and he believed them (I do understand why he believed them and not me cause they were so many of them saying the same thing, and then I was only one saying no I aint) Things got messed up we argued and argued, each day I tried fighting him back, and convincing him to believe the truth, it didn’t work out, he moved out, and a lot of times came around to see or take the baby out etc.... (I wasn't going to stop him from seeing the baby cause I would have felt really evil (I’m nothing like evil I’m to naive) and I guess I think it as if what if he took the baby away from me I would be devastated and if I done that to him so would he) we sorted arrangements of when he can see the kid. Since the break up I haven't been out much like max is twice, everything feels different and nothings the same, I hate how my life is at the moment and I really don't want to live like this anymore, but it's too hard with out him, I always feel down hardly ever happy, when I think about us I cry, I see him I feel slightly lightened up but then more hurtful, I feel as if there’s a huge gap in my heart, the problem though is that, he sent the divorce papers, and I don't want to sign them, it's been a day since I got them, I don't want out relationship to break it means to much to me and what I really don’t get is he don’t want to break up, I don’t want to, so why are we, over something that someone said that wasn’t true I find it a pathetic reason to break up cause I didn’t even cheat on him, I’m totally innocent and I still have really strong feelings for him, which I’m finding difficult to put behind and forget him. My 1st question is should I tell him I still have very strong feelings for him and that I don’t want us to break up and get divorced, is there anyway I can prove myself right to him?Second situation, one day he invited me to dinner because he said he wanted to invite a new person into the babies’ life, so I went with the kid, and guess what I see him with another woman, the other women he just started going out with, they seemed pretty close. (As you can guess I was angry for the 1st time in my married life I was furious, I was jealous (I don’t get jealous but I was then) The whole evening took ages, the time seemed to go very slow, I seemed all fine from the outside but from the inside I was getting eatened up, honestly I don’t know why he told me to come was it to make me jealous on purpose or what, that day he really went to far, I felt as if we had no way that we can get back together, I gave up hope. This meal even took place just after I said to him is their no hope of me and you, isn’t there anyway we can get back together, and sort everything out. Anyways his women (girlfriend) told me to back of and that he is hers and so on…. I was quiet confused, and shocked she said that to me, as I’m not even interrupting in their lives or anything it’s not like I phone every 2 seconds, I hardly ever phone him, he comes to my house. She carried on by saying he’s moved on, and then she had the nerve to say that I won’t win him, and that I’m taking him away from her (how am I exactly, it was the first time I met her :S) Then she told me how ugly looking I was and that he left me for that reason. I never said anything back to her, I couldn’t be asked with some like her who gave me her attitude. My second question was why did he tell me to come for the meal? I asked him but he keeps saying it was so I can introduce a new person who is going to be involved in the babies’ life and he thought he’d fill me in with the latest. Why did his so called girlfriend tell me to back off even though I’m not interrupting in their love life, or did she mean by he quote that keep the baby out of his life? Oh yh final thing i got to say,sorry i never explained why some people told my husband i'm cheating on him when it wasn't true, there is a reason its basically revenge (even though what did happen i did not participate at that time) but them people hate me and my family so this was a way to get back at my family wich meant they chose me to get back at. The reason they told a lie was pathetic. THANKS FOR ALL THE HELP!! ANY ADVICE WOULD BE APPRECIATED
View related questions:
affair, divorce, get back together, jealous, moved out, period, revenge Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 August 2008): Hun, you sound so sad, dejected and lonely and still, devoted to a man who clearly is not giving back. Why? Because he doesn't want to...it sounds like he has disconnected and I am sorry. Your husband never gave you the respect, you deserved in your marriage and I can't help but really, really sense, that this 'cheating rumor' was carefully planned out, to give him his excuse to leave you. Had there been the basis of respect/friendship/committment-had he been at the same loving place as you, he would not have run out on you and your daughter. He would've done all he could to make this marriage fly. But he didn't, he believed others over you and he found a new honey, and he threw her in your face. How much more demeaning and cruel will he get? This is more about him and his personality faults than yours, hun. And you have to believe in yourself, believe in your lovability, retain your strength and self-respect through all of this. Seek out help from family and friends you can trust. Humans aren't designed to stand alone through life's storms, so it's crucial you find a way to get help and realize you have people out there who do love you. Talk to someone. You need that love and support more than ever, now because it appears you had some people, out there who have done all they can to destroy your happiness, your marriage, and greatly deter your family solidarity for your child. You know who they are. Get them out of your life...they are leeches who prey on others. Funny, how people do this to others and never, ever give a thought to the loss this daughter of yours will feel someday, not having an intact family.
Begin the healing process. Take your time. Leave him alone, very little contact, and ensure he gives you child support for your daughter. My final suggestion: Do not sign those divorce papers yet. Your feelings for this husband are still too raw and you are too wounded. A year from now you may regret signing them, in the throes of heartache and desire for this man. People make dumb mistakes when their hearts are too involved. But be smart here, try hard to disconnect. Take your papers to a lawyer and make sure you know what your legal rights are. Look out for yourself and your daughter. She is your priority and make yourself a priority as well. But whatever you do, don't ever deny access to her Father. She will still need her Dad, even though he proved himself to be a less than admirable husband to you. Good luck, I am with you here...and take care of YOU.
A
male
reader, tbear  +, writes (6 August 2008):
At this point you really need to ask yourself if he is what you really want. He didn't believe you when you told him the truth, he left you over the lies of someone else, and you'd have to ask yourself would he ever really trust you. Obviously he doesn't trust you, nor does he know your character well enough to realize that you wouldn't do that to him.
At this point he has obviously moved on and that may be something that you need to start doing as well. Keep things amiable between you and if you must vindicate yourself about the truth, offer to take a polygraph. If things are as you say, it will make him realize how foolish a mistake he made, and further establish your credibility. If you must, you can even chuckle over the irony of giving up what you consider the best thing in his life for a lie. He'll think twice before that happens again. He may even want you back, but if that happens don't expect things to be the same. He didn't believe you and that will take so doing to get past on your part. It doesn't matter how much you still feel for him, underneath it all, that will still be there and an easy point of resentment.
...............................
|
