A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Should I be worried about my boyfriend's comment to his female friend?. They work in the same place. He did a shift before she started work. He had done something wrong and she had to sort the problem out. It was some mistake he made while working. I will call myself B, as I don't want to type my name here. After his friend told him about the mistake, he said to her " you can slap my bottom later, and B can watch". I got a bit upset, because I don't like those kind of jokes. He said it was only banter, and he has only ever been friends with this woman. They have been friends since they were four years old. Am I worrying too much over it?. He said he makes banter with people when he is working too. He works behind a bar. I know he makes banter with his male friends too, but I'm not sure of he makes banter with female customers, and that's what worries me too. He said that everyone that goes there knows that I am his girlfriend though. I don't make comments like that to my friends. It made me worry that he might be in to open relationships with other people. I asked him that, but he said he isn't in to that kind of thing. He said I I am the love of his life, and he said he would be devastated if I left him. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 July 2016): I have decided to break up with him.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 July 2016): I am working hard to fight the same demons as you. I have to admit it is still a work in progress.My BF is also friendly and mildly flirtatious with women as he works with mostly women.And, it used to get me jealous to no end. And I would question him and come across as insecure.But what I have learned over time after I got to know him better is that it's meaningless banter. And so now it does not bother me anymore (I just do not give it space in my mind any longer). He is just like that. I might not be but that does not mean he isn't. We aren't all the same. So, we need to give each other space to be ourselves. You will know for sure if something is inappropriate. You won't have to be asking us about it. I know my BF cares about me, chooses to be with me and always tells me how lucky he is and that he would want to be with no other woman. So, you have to just take your BF's words and believe them. And trust him. He has done nothing to arouse suspicion or cause you not to trust him.Just try and relax a little and enjoy the relationship. It seems like he does love you. And he feels comfortable around you, which is also really important.Good luck. :)
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (22 July 2016):
 It sounds like banter to me. I used to work behind a bar, and well it is normal enough to have a laugh and a joke. I understand that you don't like them kind of jokes, but yes you are worrying over nothing. You are coming across as clingy and needy which no guy likes, so really you need to chill out a bit and learn to trust him. If you can't trust him there is no point being with him. I understand that you don't talk to your friends like that, but it just means that you both have different personalities, nothing wrong with that, I really don't know how it made you think he was in an open relationship, you really are over reacting. It sounds like he loves you. So relax.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (22 July 2016):
 I think you are overreacting. It sounds like banter to me and not the flirtatious kind.
I have worked as a bartender and YES most bartenders do make banter with males AND females, that is partly how you earn your tips. Some flirt, some joke (like your BF) and some just have witty banter.
You say you don't make comments like that to your friends, OK so what? HE is not you. Not should he attempt to be JUST like you.
And having witty banter doesn't mean you want an open relationship.. How on Earth did the conversation segue from what he said in JEST to him wanting to cheat or be polymorphous
?
I think you need to chill. It comes off as insecure.
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