A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Me and my boyfriend were talking last night and he brings up a friend of his that is female (and also his ex)that she said that she is a porn star now (which I think might be a fib I don't know and I don't plan on finding out). He tells me that she also said to him that if wants a show that they could go on Skype. I jokingly tell him that if any night I don't give him sex that he should take her up on her offer. Like I said I was joking when I said this and also I'm no prude I encourage my boyfriend to watch porn if i'm not in the mood to have sex. But he must have thought I was serious when I told him to go ahead because he says "No I view it as cheating." I asked him how when I gave him permission to look, only look. He says that because he personally knew her an he could actually be with as in be in a relationship with. Now I never thought anything about it at first but after he left and went home and I started getting ready for bed it suddenly CLICKED, did he mean he has feelings for her?Why say if he ever saw her again that it would mean they would automaticly get back together? I'd like to ask but I don't want to cause a fight.What I'm asking should I be worried? Or am I worried about nothing?
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 January 2015): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the advice guys :)
A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (27 January 2015):
 I think Sincerely Yours is right. No he WOULDN'T be with her if he looked at her, but he COULD. And I agree with his boundaries, LOOKING at her (if she was doing porn now) would feel weird for him without doubt, but because he knows her he would also feel it was cheating.. And honestly, SKYPING with someone who gives you a "show" isn't porn, IT IS cheating.
So while you may be proud that you are NO prude, I think having some boundaries is a good idea, your BF apparently has some and THAT is a good thing.
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 January 2015): Don't be worried. It might be a fib like you said. Don't get yourself worked-up on hypothetical situations.
"What-if's" aren't a reason to start troubles in your relationship. Try and handle your insecurities.
I am sure your boyfriend isn't your first. You can always one-up his stories. You've got your own hotties from the past. Don't pretend there's not that one particular guy in your past, who tickled your fancy like nobody else.
Girlfriend, you know you tap into that memory from time to time. He probably returns in your dreams. Uh-huh! He just popped into your mind just by my suggestion. Well, that's all it is. A memory. The past. She's not as classy as you.
I don't think he appreciates the news; because she probably told him in spite.
You're blowing it all out of proportion. She's an ex who took a bad turn, if you ask me. Sounds like she's messed-up.
Guys don't usually want porn stars for girlfriends; unless they are in the same line of work. How do you think he'd feel if you were showing off your body to random guys for money? Appearing in smut films for a living? He probably wouldn't respect you. I doubt he'd ever want her back now. He doesn't have to watch her on Skype, he's got memories in supply. Are you going to have him brain-washed to make sure he doesn't think about her? Exes are exes for a reason.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 January 2015): No need to worry :-) He didn't mean it in the way you think. It was a good answer
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A
female
reader, Sincerely Yours +, writes (26 January 2015):
 I don't think he means he WOULD be with her. I think it's as he said, and he COULD. Many people set a boundary on cheating defined by what could happen. Meaning, a crush on a celebrity is harmless because it could never happen. She is very real and he had been with her before, and could again because she is real.
I think what he said is a good thing and you should respect and appreciate that he had boundaries. This is good.
~Sy
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