A
female
age
,
*fshadow
writes: I just started dating this guy I met online. I sent him an email and asked him if he wanted to get together this weekend, like we had discussed earlier in the week. He said he was really busy right now and asked would it Ok if he called me next week to make plans. I said, Sure. But then later that day I got another email from him saying that he just found out there was a good band playing at the local bar and that he was going and he said, "Maybe I'll see you there." Should I be upset by this? Is he playing games? or is he just not interested? or is he insecure maybe? I'm not really sure how to react to this. On one hand - he said he was too busy to see ME, but he now has time to go see a band play. On the other hand, he did let me know about it and kind of hinted for me to join him. On yet another hand, he didn't call me up and invite me to JOIN him; he just said "Maybe I'll see you there". What's the deal here?(FYI: He is 54, I am 47)
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female
reader, stina +, writes (5 June 2007):
 You're welcome, If. ^_^
If you decide to go to the show with him, you will probably have fun, even if you don't like the band - getting to know him and seeing what he's like when he's out. Maybe you could see about going on another bike ride, too. (How fun would that be!)
But it does sound like things are moving in a positive direction for the both of you!
A
female
reader, lfshadow +, writes (5 June 2007):
lfshadow is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thanks for all of your advice everyone. You all make good points. Stina, when you said that "maybe he is really rusty at this sort of thing", THAT makes a lot of sense and seems to fit from what little I do know of him. For that matter, I am rusty at this too, and I think a lot of the "rules" of dating have changed since the last time I dated (which was 1989!!!) But, that's why I'm asking. I don't want to take it the wrong way.
We have met once, briefly, and he asked me to go for a Motorcycle ride. I said yes, but I woke up with the flu that morning and had to cancel. Maybe he thinks I was just blowing him off, but I wasn't. I really wanted to go.
Well, I think I'll just wait and see if I hear from him and just play it by ear. Which means I will probably be back on here asking more questions!! LOL
Thanks all.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 June 2007): At the moment you are friends, not engaged to be married so I don't think you should be offended. Don't focus too hard on him or you will seem desperate. Personally I would say something like, "Since I enjoy being spontaneous sometimes, I may surprise you and turn up, but if I don't make it would you like to meet for lunch the following day?"
Then make a date to meet him the following day - unless of course you really want to go to see the band. Try not to play games. If you want to go, go. Make sure you have fun for yourself and sweep away those negative thoughts. Don't focus on him TOO much, listen to the music, peoplewatch, chat to him, smile.
You may find after dating him a while that you don't like him. It is not just him deciding whether this relationship has a future. But don't be defensive, be level and aware that you should not just accept that he is now your man. Is he good enough? It takes time to know.
These dating games often cause offence where none is necessary because men think so differently to women. Don't presume that you have been slighted. Above all keep your sense of humour, it is your best strength and will keep him interested if you want him to be. Let him know that you are being selective, don't EVER discuss past failed relationships. It will put him off immediately.
Don't go if you prefer more solid arrangements because you may come across as tetchy and insecure. If that is a possibility take some time out that night just for you and a female friend - to a nice spa or a meal. See him the next day when you have put some distance between you and the feelings you have today. Good luck, hope you let us know how it goes.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 June 2007): I know exactly how you feel, and i would really be upset. I also dated a guy who was always "too busy" to see me, then i would find out that he went out on the internet. He was always too "broke" to take me out, but had money to go partying. He started dating another girl, i also had to fing out online. Don't let this guy mess you around. Ask him what the deal is, and if he can't give you a answer that is good enough, move on!!
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A
female
reader, stina +, writes (5 June 2007):
Hello Ifshadow,
Maybe his schedule changed. The first thing I thought when I read this is - I think this is probably his way of asking you on a date, but he's just (really) rusty at this sort of thing. ^_^
If I were you, I'd go and meet him there. Maybe ask if he's meeting anyone else there and if he is, then you could bring a friend along, too. It might end up being a lot of fun!
Take care.
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A
female
reader, angelica111  +, writes (5 June 2007):
 Hi!
You've only got to know this guy through the web! Have you been dating already? If not, i shouldn't make a big deal out of this, please, for your own sake. If you feel attracted (webwise) to him, you DO NOT KNOW what he is really like. Go to the band if you can, and yes, maybe you will see him there. If not,have fun that evening, and no big deal.
Try again another time.
Ofcourse, if he avoids seeing you another time, just drop it all together. This is very frequent w/ internet dates. Often people are only looking for virtual relations, which has nothing to do w/ 'real' life.
Try to see people you appreciate and know from daily life. Your work, hobbies or so. This will be easier and faster as the person crosses your path everyday or every now and then.
Good luck!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 June 2007): well from what youve said it sounds like He might of been a bit nervous about meeting you, and going to see a band he likes is really an admission that he had found a comfortable space he can meet you in, he will not directly ask you to meet him there because he doesnt want to come accross to eager just in case it doesnt go well on both sides, my advice would be to get a friend and go down and see if he your cup of tea if not least you got to see a good band!
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