A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I found out a few years ago that it will be very difficult for me to conceive naturally. At what point do I tell a man I am considering dating/having a relationship with that I am infertile. Is that a right point to do this? On initial meeting? Once we've established we like each other and we decide to start a relationship or in a personal ad??!! My therapist things the latter and I was surprised and alarmed by her advice and no longer trust her.. hence I would like to get a second opinion. People do not advertise these things on dating sites typically and I would not feel comfortable with this level of disclosure on the internet and feel it was inappropriate advice she gave me.Your opinion or advice would be greatly appreciated.
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male
reader, Uncle Sneaker  +, writes (9 June 2008):
 EITHER before you go to bed with him, OR when you first discuss the possibility of having children - whichever comes first.
BUT be careful.
My wife was told she would have great difficulty in conceiving, after extensive tests when she and her first husband tried for three years without success. It's all a bit complicated and I won't go into details, but to cut a long story short it was about thirty minutes after she told me she wasn't likely to become pregnant that she most definitely was (although we didn't know until some considerable time later!)
A
female
reader, TasteofIndia +, writes (9 June 2008):
 Tricky... yes, I don't think you should tell a man right up front that you're infertile. You want to get to know the guy before you start talking about babies!! However, I would let him know after date 6-7... (or if you're not going on "dates", I guess... maybe 2 months in), because you don't want him (or yourself) to get too attached. I guess, what I'm saying is that it shouldn't get all the way to proposal before you tell him.
Get comfortable with him, let him get to know you and adore you and then let him know.
Good luck, sweetness!
xx India
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 June 2008): At some point in your relationship, the subject of children is bound to come up. That would be a good time to mention that you are infertile. If your boyfriend proposes to you, and you haven't yet discussed the topic of children, you should do so, before you accept his proposal.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 June 2008): I think this is maybe a matter you should decide on your own, for example when it feels right to let him aware.
But in my opinion, i wouldnt do it on the initial meeting because that could scare him away before he finds out what a great person you are. I would make him aware within the first few months though because otherwise things could get too serious and you might regret not telling him sooner.
I think maybe telling him a day or two after you two have sex for the first time.
Hope i could help...
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