A
female
age
36-40,
*arastar
writes:I am having a problem figuring out the status of my current relationship with my "bf". We have been together for what would be 7 months and 2 days after xmas we both decided that the previous few wks have been very weird. Whether it be more stress that both of us were experiencing in our lives, but things were just weird. I would say I love you and he would reply with Loves. Or misses when i would say I miss you. We see eachother basically everyday. We were out 2 days after xmas and discussed how things seemed weird and he mentioned that taking a break may help and focusing on friends. I agreed that we needed to do something. So for a wk now we have been on "break" he will not tell me what that means. I ask are we allowed to see others or does he want to and he says no, he never clearifies whether he doesnt want to or I can or cant see others. Im so confused! To me the break would be not spending so much time together and being more flirty with eachother like in the beginning of the relationship. I feel we have lacked the romance like we've become better buds than together as a couple. Him having past bad realtionship experiences this worries me as to maybe this is why girls broke up with him. But i dont know if he broke it off with them. He wont give me a clear answer. Yet he says things arent really going to change, well hello we wont be kissing or calling eachother pet names or saying I love you. this is my first real serious relationship. We started off friends and we both say we dont want to lose eachother from our lives we always want eachtoher as friends if nothing else. But he made it a point to have me look him in the eye and tell me that Im the only person that knows the most about him and that I treat him the best and better than anyone ever has and that I always will be. Then why the break?! Like he says its nothing either of us did. I just want an answer as far as Are we completely done? But then he'll say hang in there. And I had a little scare as far as possibly being pregnant and hes like I cant have another kid (he has a 6 yr old) and its not like i planned for it either. We both have lives to live. And then after the "break" the day after that I found out i wasnt pregnant and told him and hes like I was convinced you were and im like well what would u have done and hes like we would have made it, i probably would have married you. and then was like ha ok next month lets make a baby. Yet joking or not he told me like 4 days earlier i cant have another baby and then we go from cant to "break" to i prob wouldve married u. This is why im confused. He tells me im reading too much into this whole break thing. Maybe i am. But i dont see his perspective bc I feel he isnt willing to share it, i dont understand. Any input from a guy would be helpful. He cant tell me whether we are done or not. Like i dont want to be on the back burner not out there meeting ppl not that Id move on quickly but i do so much for him and i feel like im not getting it in return. Maybe that makes me selfish, but its just so hard to go from one day of feelin love to the next day of i feel like i cant say it. I know it will take time but im so lost and confused. When we do hang out he is glued to his damn cell phone texting ppl and these girls and he like hides his phone. Makes me suspicious. then hes like its so and so from work and they need a ride. Yet this gay guy whom he worked with gave my bf's number out to other girls at another establishment of work(gay guys other job) and this girl kept calling and my bf never answered and told me the story. I asked him why the guy would give his number out knowing that my bf had me as a gf. Maybe i am reading too much into things but I cant help it. Its me. Im trying to take time and step back from things as my bf says or shall i call him my friend now. IM also nervous to tell him how i feel bc i have somewhat before and he cant ever give me a straight answer but then expects one from me all the time. Any advice? Should I be the one to break things off for good with him? He says he doesnt want to hurt me. So should I make that move? I dont want to hurt him but in a way i feel like hes leading me through a maze and is this a waiting game til hes ready to move on with me or what? Also I have never pressured him for anything no ring no committment besides being together as bf/gf. He also said that he doesnt want to put a title on us, but he sees us getting like others couples "annoying eachother". to me it should be yes we are together or no we are not. Its not fair to keep the other waiting. My claddaugh ring says im single but myspace status says in a realtionship bc he said hes leaving his and that we dont need to let anyone know whats going on with us bc "we are figuring stuff out". HELP Please. Thanks :-)
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a break, broke up, flirt, I love you, kissing, move on, myspace, text Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 January 2008): Why are you letting him make all the decisions in the relationship? I know ye both agreed a break would be good but why do you have to be the 1 who is wondering where you stand. I think you should back off and let him do all the worrying about whats gonna happen to ye're relationship.
In your question you said that ye used see each other every day. This is the first mistake. Sometimes people need time away from each other so they can miss each other and that makes them look forward to meeting up even more. Im not saying stay away from each other for days on end but a night or two to be with friends or family would be good.
As for being glued to his phone..why would he be hiding his phone if there was nothing to it. I would also be suspicious of this. If something is going on you will need to find some hard evidence.
I feel like he is stringing you along. What he needs is a good fright..and he'll get that when you back off. He'll be wondering what you're doing and why you haven't called. He will see what it is like without you and he wont like it.
Just let him do the running in future!!
Goodluck.
A
female
reader, orkney girl +, writes (5 January 2008):
Snap!! You sound just like me!! I'll tell you what i'm doing and see if that helps you any. I'm doing my own thing, i'm going out, meeting people working etc as if I'm single. I'm NOT looking for another man just been single. I am still entertaining my bloke, going out for drinks meals parties etc. but I've given up trying to work out what he wants. he'll tell me or show me in his own good time but i'm not wasting my life sitting around waiting I'm too good for that and so are you! Do your thing go out with your friends enjoy others company but dont have sex.....bad thing if he's just wanting a wee bit of space. we all need time to ourselves to focus on important things that arte happpening in our lives and sometimes the important things are so close that a 'break' from the closeness gives us the space we need? it aint over till the fat lady sings. maybe with you doing your thing he'll see that he might lose you and pull his finger out and maybe you'll decide that you just want him as your best friend? only time will tell
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A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (5 January 2008):
 You have seek answers from him and don't get any satisfactory replies. You have got his answer. If a man cannot give you a straight forward answer, and cannot do as you required of him,there is no point in going forward. He cannot press the release button and it will be up to you.
Is he worth your time and your love? You only can answer that question and do what you need to do. Release him and see if he will come back to you... If he still love and want you , he will come back to you, otherwise , it is goodbye!
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