A
female
age
36-40,
*eri
writes:This is kind of a followup from my last question. I haven't spoken to my boyfriend in 4 whole days now and I don't know if I should be the one to cave or not?http://www.dearcupid.org/question/am-i-asking-too-much-im-not-asking.htmlHe's emotionally a handful, I don't feel connected to him, he lied to me, and now he hasn't even bothered to try and talk to me in 4 days to fix things. I'm always the one to cave but I didn't want to be the one to do that this time! I don't think I should have to. But then if starts feeling like I'm playing a game and I hate that. I love him so much but he's no picnic. I don't want things to be over, I just don't know what to do. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, TasteofIndia +, writes (1 January 2011):
 Amen to the other two posters. Great advice, and I agree whole-heartedly!
A
female
reader, chocoholicforever +, writes (1 January 2011):
No don't cave in. It sounds like you're putting way more effort than he is.
However. don't think of it as playing games. You should move on and live your life without him. Don't center your world around him and your relationship. I'm not saying to necessarily break up with him now, I'm just saying don't sit around thinking constantly about your relationship because it looks like you're the only one out of the two of you doing it.
He's shown how much of himself he's willing to invest in this relationship - apparently not a whole lot.
If you are investing way more than him, that's a huge imbalance that will set yourself up for more disappointment.
I think you should cut back on your own emotional investment in this relationship, is all I'm saying. It's to protect your own emotional health.
Therefore, don't cave in again. But not because you're playing games. don't cave in because you are saving your own emotional health by cutting back the level of your own investment to match his level.
just my opinion
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 January 2011): Remain strong and don't cave, not to prove anything to him, but to keep yourself sane. I've been in your shoes before. I have to say the worst thing about this variety of guy is that you get the sense they never liked you in the first place. The prospect of having to face the fact that he doesn't love you and may not even like you is so depressing, you sometimes do anything just for a scrap of attention and then try to convince yourself otherwise. It's humiliating. It's even more humiliating after you realize that you don't in fact love this person, you may not even like him very much at all, but you would really like him to love you. You are playing this game with yourself.Move on. You will get over him.
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