A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:In June I began a wonderful relationship with a man a few years younger than me. I knew at some point his work would take him to a different city. After 6 months spending nearly every spare moment together, we fell in love, and everything was perfect, then he had to move away for work. He left 2 months ago, and I just went to visit him for a week. Everything has been fine, we speak every day and we were both very excited about seeing each other. But when I got there it felt different. Granted, he was VERY busy with his work, the living conditions there are harsh and he's not used to seeing me in that environment, and there were a few outside factors during the week that stressed him out. I felt as though I wasn't getting the attention I had expected, and when I kept asking about it he eventually told me that he feels I've taken the 'love thing' up a notch, and he is now in a different environment, focussing on his career, and is finding it difficult to balance. He said he feels very strongly for me, and wants to continue the relationship and be with me when he returns, and perhaps even move in together much later down the track, but right now he feels as though perhpas I love him more than he loves me, and it is making him question whether what he feels really is love? I appreciate his honesty, and understand that he doesn't want my sudden clinginess to distract him from his work. I have decided to stop sending him sloppy cards, and tone it down a little, stop saying I love him unless he says he loves me first. I don't know if I'm doing the right thing though? I trust him completely, and am prepared to wait until he comes back and see how things go. Should I just be patient and tone it down a little, or should I take it as a rejection of sorts and let him go?
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female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (18 February 2008):
 If he is going to the North Pole , it will be very cold.Whether he can come back from the cold or not is difficult to tell.
I think you should move on. A man who concentrate on his careers has gone off the tracks and it is difficult for him to come back .Slowly the cold will chilled you into ice.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 February 2008): Thanks for the quick responses. I'm a bit confused by the first one: there are no children? We just met in June last year and neither of us have children. He is living in a very remote part of the country in harsh conditions and it's a 2 day trip each way to visit him. We hadn't seen each other since he left 2 months ago, until I went there to spend last week with him. Perhaps you got my question mixed up with another, I appreciate the kind response all the same :)The second answer is great, thank you. I think I will tone it down a little. To be honest I have been missing him so much that I have allowed myself to 'lose myself' a little which isn't healthy. I need to do it as much for my own benefit as for his and for our relationship! I care about him enough that I want him to enjoy this important stage of his career. I don't expect we will last forever, I just want to enjoy what we have for as long as I can. I don't want to blow it by being one of those 'clingy' types! I have been on the receiving end of that and it can be awful :)
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A
male
reader, wazwazy  +, writes (18 February 2008):
 this man is probabley under a lot of stress because he has a hard job and a family to look after, this man loves u and if u let him go it would be hell for him so just tell him can't u take a few days of work and take the children out somewhere nice like the beach or even a movie but i wouldn't break up
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 February 2008): Personally, I think you should, as you say, tone it down a little, and give him some space. I can imagine it's hard for him, having to juggle work with such a good, strong relationship - he's bound to be getting a little stressed. So just do your best not to add to this stress. Maybe you should tell him that you'll still be here if he needs you, but that you won't hassle him if he has work to do. However, make sure he doesn't get the wrong impression and just uses you! It sounds like you had a great relationship here, and it would be a shame to let it go. So just do your best, make sure he gives you the respect you deserve, and then see how things go. Good luck :]
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