A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Just so I'm clear, my boyfriend is 19 and I'm 16.So my boyfriend and I recently had problems in our relationship because he felt we were losing our love for each other and we are still trying to get back to the way it was but now I'm having a problem. He has a new friend that is a freshman and I was okay with them hanging out and stuff but when I saw that he was texting her, I felt bothered. I also saw a fanpage on facebook that he liked and it was a page that his friend made; I was discomforted by it. The profile picture was of the girl posing kind of sexily and she had over a million views and many inappropriate comments from guys who are nearly 25. One of the comments was from my boyfriend and some people thought he was going out with her but all he said was "So many LIKES, aren't you famous? Lol". I promised my boyfriend I wouldn't get jealous of another one of his female friends but this girl was different from the others. He and I had our ups and downs in our relationship and we made it very clear that we wouldn't leave each other as I have tried to leave before. We're almost close to having our one year anniversary and he is my first boyfriend. Should I just forget about what I saw and improve my relationship with him or break up? He loves me so much but I get so frustrated at the downfalls that I feel like I myself don't love him :(
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male
reader, Darrell Goodliffe  +, writes (19 January 2013):
 Oh I don't know about this you know. I'm not sure I entirely agree with the other two replies. I agree he shouldn't make you feel bad for feeling a certain way and should attempt to understand you *but* I am not convinced you should be jealous. Why is she different? I'd say primarily because you feel insecure in yourself and about your own position with your boyfriend, correct me if I am wrong, but her being a freshman also makes her basically your peer, ie your age, where as maybe the rest of his female friends are his age.Lets look at what he has done. There is no harm in texting someone especially somebody who is your friend. Re liking the page, I am assuming she's a model of some kind? Well I have done that, I am single, but I talk to the girl in question every day, she's a good friend and I work with her. I am in actual fact good friends with her and her *boyfriend*. I am single but would I expect or accept a partner of mine trying to end that, no I wouldn't. If they got jealous I'd be patient, understanding but vetoing the friendship would cross the line in my eyes. Finally, I don't see much in the comment he made to suggest an obvious attempt to flirt. I will agree with one thing, you can't promise not to be jealous but I think you need to focus your energies on improving your relationship with your bf, that way you will be less jealous, you will become more secure in your relationship. If you dont do this then I fear you may actually end up pushing your boyfriend away.
A
female
reader, sarcy24 +, writes (19 January 2013):
 Janniepeg has written an excellent response and I cannot add much. Your boyfriend is not taking your wishes or needs into consideration and although he is your boyfriend he is still basically doing what he wants to do. This is causing you upset and grief and he is not really considering that what he is doing is hurting you. I would be jealous and upset too by the facebook comments and I think he may have a desire to play the field and keep you nicely in the background. If you can cope with this kind of relationship then great but if it is going to make you feel jealous and upset I think I might start seeing less of him. I had a bofriend a bit like this who would text a female friend all the time and say that they were just friends , then she started to call all the time and he would not speak to her if I was there. It got to me and played with my head and I had to end it. It was hard but he made me feel jealous and insecure and I couldn't cope with it at all. It hurt but I felt better when it ended.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (19 January 2013):
 You can't promise not to get jealous. Feelings aren't things to be suppressed, denied or controlled. You were losing love to each other because the love you have can't be progressed into a real relationship. It's stuck at the level of insecurity. He's not fulfilling your need for stability and you don't find yourself able to open yourself to him. Love is more than not leaving. You have to want to be there to stay happy. He loves you but not enough to stop checking out hot chicks. He might not pursue every hot chick he sees but he is not honoring your wishes to stop that wandering eye, to protect your feelings. To make you feel wrong for your jealousy is just cruel.
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