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age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: I really am losing faith in humanity. Here goes: I’m 26, and a mature(ish) student at University. I recently got with a girl who I’d had my eye on for some time. We’d been hanging about in the same group of friends for several months and would flirt constantly. There was clearly this sexual tension between us, we couldn’t keep our eyes off each other. Lo and behold on a night out we ended up kissing in a club and she didn’t hesitate when I invited her back to mine. We got down to business, had a little foreplay at first and then as we were about to go to full-on sex I pulled out a condom from my draw. That’s when her face suddenly dropped. She didn’t understand why I wanted to use it. Even though I really shouldn’t have had to I explained why it was the sensible thing to do. She started getting really upset and OFFENDED, like I thought she had AIDs or something. She then said her and her ex-partner had NEVER used anything in the 5 years that they were together, and she never ended up pregnant or with an STD so reckoned it would have been OK. By this point the mood had well and truly been killed so she left.The next day one of her friends rang and told me she was really upset and felt like I had rejected her. I did emphasise that I wasn’t rejecting her, I was just merely a believer in practising safe sex. Her friend was adamant she didn’t sleep around so wouldn’t have had an STD. When I mentioned the pregnancy risk all she could say was there was always the morning after pill and if I was that serious about her I should’ve just taken the risk and done it anyway. By this point I had my head in my hands and was almost laughing at how ridiculous she was being. Not only that one of my own friends said he would’ve just ‘taken the plunge’ and dealt with the consequences later. I know I’m a mature student but these people are only 2 or 3 years younger than me so surely it’s not me hanging around with a bunch of immature idiots, is it? I mean my sex education classes were cancelled when I was in school but even I know the consequences of not playing safe, why don’t they???The worst thing I’m actually starting to feel a bit guilty about it. Should I?
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aids , condom, flirt, foreplay, her ex, immature, kissing, std, university Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, YouWish  +, writes (20 May 2015):
 It looks like your condom not only protected you from STD and pregnancy, but also a psychotic one night stand! You did the RIGHT THING!
Sex like this is a risky behavior. For her to bring up an ex?? Sorry, but you're not him, and if she's engaging in risky casual sex, that means that there are other guys she's entices to "bareback" with.
Keep doing what you're doing! The "morning after" pill as a reassurance? Holy cats!
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (20 May 2015):
 OMG, haha! No, this woman and her friends are crazy and unhealthy and have no idea what safe sex is. They think its okay to play russian roulette with their health, and have unprotected sex just because someone claims to be STI free? Even so, STI's aren't a symptom of having slept around!
Sheez, they need some education. Also, it's not unheard of for a woman who has the baby-longings, to have unprotected sex with a one night stand just to get pregnant. I say stay well and clear away from this one.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 May 2015): Hahaha this is actually madness! Dude you did the right thing, seriously stick to your principles and don't get sucked into this immature world!
I am 25 and a "mature student", fortunately I have wonderful husband and am far removed from any dating scene but I often look at the students who are only a few years younger and cannot believe them. I know I wasn't like them when I was that age and it sounds like you weren't either! I just don't understand how some of them function when they seem to lack very simple common sense!
Nice of her to suggest you just go for it because her ex did...you had a lucky escape!
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A
female
reader, PeanutButter +, writes (20 May 2015):
 Don't feel guilty, feel PROUD!
If more people thought about safer sex then there would be so many less unwanted pregnancies, STD's and more!
I think she got hurt because she maybe had an alterior motive, and if she didn't, she's stupid and careless - not something you want to get involved with.
Stay well away from this woman, she is bad news and you need to look out for you!
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A
female
reader, Anonny  +, writes (19 May 2015):
Not only did you only do the right thing - but you also had a lucky escape!!
If my partner was going to react so immaturely about something which could actually have serious consequences - I would tell him where to go & sod the sex!
She's lucky she ended up going back with you - Lord knows what she'll end up catching with her next one night stand!!
Let her go & quickly forget her!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (19 May 2015): i think you were her planned sperm donor,and she thought she had you lock, stock and barrel...but then it started looking cimplicated when d condims came out...worse still she hadnt had time to tamper with it , so then she ran and complained to her female partner who called you up and asked after the baby that hadnt been acquired..and she even made you feel guilty for nit giving her girlfriend a baby to love and care for...
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 May 2015): Yikes. This girl is scary with her behavior. No one is that clueless, I would tend to guess she is trying to trap you into getting her pregnant.
My advice would be to stay away from her. If you don't, then I would recommend you always use your own condoms. She is probably nutty enough to poke holes in ones she would provide.
She likely also has had, or does have, an STD already, or she would not get so defensive about it.
Stay away from that nutty bird!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 May 2015): Why feel guilty? Think of it like this: If she is willing to have unprotected sex with you after a night out how many other men has she had unprotected sex with? If she doesn't like condoms then many men will jump at the chance to stick their dick inside her for maximum pleasure. You did the right thing 100%!In my experience many women will SAY that they don't sleep around (usually while undressing for sex with me soon after meeting) or that they only "make love" not have sex while im about to sleep with them with no emotional attachment. Others claim they could never have a one night stand because, hey, although they are in bed with me five minutes after meeting its not really a one night stand is it as surely I will fall madly in love with them...! I had a similar experience recently. Met a woman, bit younger than me and when we got down to the business I tried my best to take my time, please her, give her as much foreplay a I could and she said "why are you doing this?" I asked her what she meant and she said "Your a bloke. Just stick it in do the job and leave!" When I told her I wasn't like that she snapped "are you a fucking gay?!" My friend some people are either foolhard, naïve or just don't give a hoot about there health or yours. LOOK AFTER YOUR OWN HEALTH BECASUE YOUR SEXUAL PARTNERS WONT DO IT FOR YOU!Whether she sleeps around or not is irrelevant. Her partner of five years could have been banging homeless prostitutes or visiting massage parlours for all she knows. HIV has no symptoms in the first few years. Nobody ever says "you know what Hun, best to roll on a rubber Johnny as im a bit of a slapper" do they? No they claim to be clean, pure and free of anything nasty. If other men wish to "take the plunge" and deal with HIV, a nasty infection, paying child maintenance for 18 years or being plagued by genital warts that's their problem. My advice - deal with the consequences BEFORE they happen. No point putting your seat belt on after you've been flung through a windscreen!
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (19 May 2015):
 You absolutely did the right thing. You have no reason to feel guilty except for maybe having a momentary lapse in judgment in choosing a sex partner.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 May 2015): NOPE. You did the right thing.Keep pulling those condoms out of the drawer :) I'd like that.Oh, btw (hope this makes you feel a bit better as it's a condom-related story too).Similar circumstances, taking home the guy, everything going well, him being really enthusiastic (he told me beforehand he had no condoms on him), so when the time comes, I pull out the drawer (yes, I do have a whole condom-dedicated drawer, ladies and gentlemen)and tell him that he is free to choose.Cue a little, confused, bewildered face. He was faced with normal, XL (was keeping my fingers crossed he will automatically go for that one but alas), mint, raspberry, banana, blue, golden, black, smiley facey one (love those! They make me smile!),feather light,non-latex, ribbed etc. etc.You get the picture. He was literally just standing there super-confused. Eventually, he just said: "You pick."I went for ribbed as he didn't go for XL...The happy end.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 May 2015): Wait... I don't get it. She went from a club to a(n almost) stranger's place and wanted to have unprotected sex... But she DOESN'T sleep around?
It's usually the other way round, guys telling girls that they don't sleep around and that they will be careful.
You did well. She sounds primitive and I wouldn't be suprised that sometime in her future she rushes to the altar pregnant.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (19 May 2015):
 NO, no, no.. YOU did the right thing! Using a condom with a NEW partner is ALWAYS the smart thing to do. ALWAYS. Let's say the ex were shooting blank, BUT you aren't... BAM! a one night stand turns into a pregnancy! You ready for fatherhood? Do you WANT to have a kid with some ignorant twat, who will be in your life for the REST of your life?
And YOU could have had a STI/STD so using a condom was NOT just YOU protecting yourself, but HER as well.
Her and her friend are a bunch of ignorant little girls who shouldn't have sex. AT ALL.
STICK to doing the RIGHT thing (using condoms). Why her friends, herself and even one of yours are being so careless I don't know - it's honestly ridiculous.
I had a good friend who knocked up a one-night-stand, she claimed to be on the pill.. but whoops apparently she wasn't? She went through an abortion and blamed him, he felt like crap. A simple thing as using a condom, could have avoided ALL of that!
Son, you did the right thing. My advice, next time... GET to know a girl before thinking sex. Get an idea of what she is like. Obviously heavy flirting for a couple of months didn't show you how absolutely stupid this girl is.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 May 2015): Let her be upset. She's quite ignorant. She meets a guy in a club, and goes home with a stranger; and wants to have unprotected-sex. You'd be the fool to take such a risk with your health and life. Why are you even upset by this?
Do you want a child with some random female you met one night in a bar? AIDS is not a "gay disease!" You're dealing with a stupid nutcase who will put you and all her sexual partners at risk. Other men have ejaculated into this woman; therefore you are exposed to every partner she has had. NEVER TAKE ANYONE'S "WORD" IF THEY'RE SAFE! How can she prove when she last had sex? What forensic evidence can she produce on the spot? Would you rather live in regret?
She will get-over herself. She is the fool in this whole scenario. It's your dick! If you want to protect it and your life, you have no reason to defend an obviously intelligent choice.
Man-up and stand behind your convictions, my friend. Guilt is only justified when you do something wrong knowing better. Never feel guilty when you know you're right. Don't be mature(ish), be mature. You're a grown-man, and shouldn't be intimidated by a freaked-out female who has no respect for her own body. Even worse, totally ignorant about sexually-transmitted diseases or possible pregnancy from unprotected-sex!
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A
male
reader, k'something  +, writes (19 May 2015):
Dude u did the right thing...which do u think is worse...blaming yourself now for not sleeping with her or blaming yourself months from now when she gives you a call to tell you she's missed her period?
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