A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:So me and and my ex have been talking about having sex and and all that stuff and and i love him very much so i know it would not be a mistake if i did it but i have one question should i be dating him before we do
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 February 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionRats ass?
thats about the stupidest thing i have ever heard!
&& i did not have to look it up cause i'm a very smart kid!!
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 February 2009): I don't give a rats ass if you thought I helped you or not, I said the same thing that sappygirl said, just in a different way, was trying to challenge your thinking because it is illogical and wrong thinking....
She pleaded with you were I did not.
What I doubt is that you know any better or that you belong in the top 20% of your class because you seem to want to belong to the 78% who are having sex before marriage, before college, before job, before commited love.
And you are very recalcitrant.....look it up.
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 February 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionsappygirl,Thanks you were a big help unlike rhythmandblues2!
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 February 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionrhythmandblues2,you doubt what?
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female
reader, sappygirl +, writes (9 February 2009):
 Okay. So you are 15 and think that we are all old farts who don't know what we are talking about.
The truth is we do because we've all been in your shoes.
Here's the thing.. You are obviously still so in love with this guy. and you didn't say that you were a Virgin but i am assuming that you are. Because you " love him very much " you have already made up your mind that this guy is the one that will take your virginity away.
Well, if you are old enough to have sex that I ask you this question. Do you think having sex with this guy will
make him see what a loving wonderful person you are and love you like you love him? Well..the answer is no. It will still be sex to him. Love and sex are two different things. Don't confuse the two. This boy Wants sex really bad and of course he will say whatever it is that you want to hear to get it. The question is..if you give it to him..will he cherish it like you hope or want. OR ...two months down the line, act distant and treat you like crap so you have no choice but to cut him from your life.
The point is, because you are not dating... that should be a red flag that pops up in your head. He is not committed into giving you a real boyfriend relationship, but he still wants to sleep with you.
What I'm trying to say is having sex with a boy, esp your age is a very very special thing. Does he really deserve it? and from what I can tell just by reading your post. I say the answer is NO. You have a gut feeling and i think it's telling you the same thing. listen to it. Save it for someone special. you won't ever regret that.
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 February 2009): Ok, well 78% of your highschool are not in the top 20% of your class who will go on to higher education, those are the smart kids......some things never change, if you happen to be in the group, then you ought to know better and not be such a follower, but somehow I doubt it..
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 February 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionrhythmandblues2,Umm honey i'm glad you were 21 but face it times have changed go to my high school 78% have had sex and the other 22% have talked about it. Its not like it was way back when when you were in school Kk! pretty sure i'm not too young to handle it!
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female
reader, sandra78 +, writes (9 February 2009):
Men.. Or in your case boys, tend to tell girls that they "LOVE" them, simply because they know it will help them get in the panties. I think its a secret class that they pull them aside in highschool and teach them. And being so young and naive most girls fall for it. But there are lessons to be learned. That's a part of life. Just be careful and do everything possible not to get pregnant. Believe me.. He won't stick around for a child. He is still a child himself. And though we have all done things that we wish we could take back, having a baby is something you can't take back, its a life long commitment that you are truly too young to take on. Good Luck, and please be careful.
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 February 2009): Sweetheart you asked for advice on whether or not you should do this, your mind is already made up....and yes I did it but I was 21 out of college and had a fiance.....
You are not too young to have sex, you can do the act. What you are is too young to handle it.
If this isn't what you want to hear, then tough.
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 February 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionrhythmandblues2,Well, we dated for a very long time. It's not like we did not date and don't plan on dating again...and I had no plans on getting pregnant! He just said if it ever happened with a girl he would stay with her and not leave her! I'm sick of everyone saying, "You're too young". It's not like you did not do it, and if you did not your friends did. I bet you did not judge them! I know he is NOT playing me!Have a great day and thanks for the help!
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 February 2009): It is very easy for a boy to say he loves you. It is very easy for him to say he will be together with you in the future because guess what the future is not here yet.
He is lying to you because he wants to have sex with you.
Why on earth would you have sex with a guy who would gladly get your pregnant and be in the kid's life.
He doesn't know what the hell he is talking about, he is only 16 and never paid taxes! If you had a kid out of wedlock and decided to keep it and not marry, he would be payingn child support based on your state's laws every month for the next 18 years....and it is based on both your salaries and he pays the lion's share, and if he has no job, so what he still owes and then it becomes back child support and it ruins his credit before he probably even has any.
This is what I am pointing out to you, you are not using your brains, you are not old enough or experienced enough in life to make these decisions and you are going to risk it all for sex?????????? So you love each other great, then wait to have sex when the future gets here and you can afford to start a life and support a life and support yourselves and know what you are going to be when you grow up.
Sex is not an end all be all to life, but having a child at 15 and 16 is and end all to your hopes and dreams of a viable future!
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 February 2009): No you shouldn't be dating him you should be committed to him and in an exclusive relationship and able to financially support yourself should you fall pregnant.
Love is not a feeling, it doesn't matter if you love him because he doesn't love you. He is a young BOY with hormones raging and he is not your committed other and he is wanting to use you to have sex with....once he does he will dump you like a hot potato because he is too immature to handle the responsibilities of a REAL Committed relationship!
If you want to feel really crummy about yourself, about him then go ahead and act on your 'feelings" instead of using your brain to make a proper logical decision.
And that is what Love is a conscious decision to be committed to someone else and be responsible for that person and that relationship, none of which you two are even capable of doing at this stage in your lives.
Sex is a beautiful thing between two mature fully functioning whole people, i.e. adults who have committed themselves in love.
Please wait until you are older, be a kid, enjoy kissing and holding hands and having lots of boyfriends, boys that are friends.
You have plenty of time for broken hearts and for feeling used and for loosing your innocence. Enjoy being free of any responsibilities other than going to school why don't you?
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 February 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell i told him that i think we should be dating && he said well we don't have to be just as long as i know we are going to be together later on in life. && i'm still talking to him because we still love each other. We are just not dating (its a long story) && i'm 15 almost 16 i don't think i'm to young if i'm really in love! && i know it would not be a mistake. && i would sure never regret it! && yes he Really loves me. && no he would never use me. He already told me way before we talked about having sex that if he ever got a girl pregnant he would stay with her has long as her could and try and make it would && even if it did not he would still be in his kids life. So i think we as both ready.
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