A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I started a new job 3 months ago and started getting close to one of the managers who also works with me. He was very forward with me and i knew that he was attracted to me. At first i wasn't too interested in him as he isn't my usual type but the attraction has grown incredibly and I've started to really like him.Now here is the issue not only do i not like to mix my personal life with work but his ex girlfriend also works in the same office. We are not friends but i know her form a previous company i used to work for. They broke up 4 months ago and they were in a serious relationship for 2 years living together. We have been out a few times and we get along really well but i'm not sure if dating him is a good idea. I've always been very focused with my job and work has always been a welcomed distraction from anyone i was dating so i'm not sure if mixing work and personal life is the best thing? If things don't work out i don't want any awkwardness at work and also if his ex finds out i don't want any awkwardness with her. I brought this up to him yesterday saying that it may be better if we just stay friends given the circumstances but he insisted that i was over reacting and talked me around. At work things are still very professional between us, although we send the odd cheeky text to each other but i don't want anyone at work finding out we have been dating although i think a few people may already have their suspicions. If i really did start to develop feelings for him i don't know if i would be able to handle working with both him and his ex girlfriend. He says he is completely over her and the relationship was very bad towards the end but i really don't want to be in the middle of any issues. I already feel guilty whenever i talk to her like i'm doing something wrong even though i know they are over. We have become very close and talk all the time when not at work. He is probably more into me than i am him and i wonder if he is like this because he may still be on a bit of a rebound? I'm worried things will end badly but also at the same time i like him enough to see how things go. Am i doing the wrong thing?
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male
reader, Homroy  +, writes (22 August 2015):
Hmmmm... I've being in a relationship with a staff before, however she was not over her baby father so I move on, however it was always professional.. Until this very day, no one found out about us. I don't thing is healthy in the working field, it did not affect my job, reason being, I really wanted for us to work, plus when it's work it's work, pleasure after. You however sound like your not up to it, his ex is still working there, so I recommend you stop all ends with him.
A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (22 August 2015):
 No no no no no! Please don't make the mistake that I once committed...and how I had to pay for it! To make a long story short, don't eat where you shit. Keep work and your personal life as far away from each other as possible. No matter how attractive a proposition this guy is, don't mix work with pleasure. If you break up, imagine having to see him every single day. Imagine if you start dating someone new and he's not over you, then what happens?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 August 2015): Let me ask you this.
What will you do if things go wrong, and it doesn't work-out?
What if he turns out to be a jerk? What if he decides you're not playing with a full deck, and decides to dump you? After having sex with you, of course!
When you date people you work with, it's everybody's business to gossip about. Can you handle that?
Why are you using your workplace to meet men to date? Don't they have an ethics and conduct policy for employees?
Those businesses that don't; usually end-up with sexual harassment suits, and go belly-up. I wouldn't work for a place like that. They're small potatoes. Anything goes,
and they don't protect their employees from harassment,
bullying, or other bad behavior. They look the other way.
I understand that you are young and inexperienced. You have much to learn about keeping your personal-life and your professional-life separate. If things go really bad between you and this guy; or he does something to you requiring you to file a police report on his conduct. It places liability on your employer. Lawyers will entice you with dollar signs and exploit you. They will encourage you to go after your company, taking full advantage of your scorn; if a guy plays you for sex.
I've fired people who bring their domestic issues to work, displaying unprofessional conduct, and placing the business under liability. So will your bosses. Like having arguments in the office, causing scenes, and disrupting the workplace over romances gone to sh*t. If you can't distinguish the difference between work-time and play-time, you aren't a good employee.
What you do far beyond the workplace is your business. You do it on the clock; then it's your employer's business.
People in your age group sometimes don't know how to keep their personal-lives out of the workplace. This is due to a lack of experience, or a lack of respect for company policy. They figure they'll just get another job. They don't often realize how the mess they make effects business, jeopardizes the livelihood of their co-workers, and the reputation of the company they work for. All they see is "me" and how "I" feel. It's better to date where it won't effect the paycheck!
Have you read the many posts from OP's who say they can't face a co-worker everyday after a breakup?
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (22 August 2015):
 My advice in "office romance" is the standard - "don't eat where you crap" (don't date at work).
It can easily create drama, and problems at work if you do (or do not) work out. The fact that he has dated ONE co-worker already would also give me pause.
I personally, find it really unprofessional to date where you work. I have never done it, but I have seen the results of this where it went very very wrong and one where the woman (because she had been there shorter) was asked to move to another location by the boss ( there was in that case a no dating policy).
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