A
male
age
36-40,
*nadin
writes:Hi guys, I have 2 issues in this one1st off, last night my GF said she was thinking about getting tested for chlamidya(sp?) why now all of a sudden after being with me for the last 9 months, she said she has done one since she slept with her ex last year in september and came out clean, she says she hasnt been with anyone since, and she says its because im a new partner...im a bit dubious about her thoughts because im clean STI-wise aswell...am i over-thinking things with regards to this? or am i right to be concerned and a little offended? she assures me its just because im a new partner, i feel its a little too late because we've had sex every weekend from the word go (our rel started on a one night stand).2nd, her mum. her mum is a bit of a nightmare and winds me up. whilst drunk her mum says she dosent like me one bit, says im not right for her 22y/o daughter because shes still a child and too young and should be sleeping around instead. on other instances she's bad-mouthing me to my gf and trying to convince her im playing mind games and am only with her till someone better comes along. her mum is also jealous of my mum, says shes perfect in a sarcastic tone, shes controlling of my gf and says she should live at home for the remainder of her mothers life. her mum booked a holiday a few months ago for my gf and the rest of her family, but my gf never actualy said she wanted to go, she then felt pressured into going and paying the money for her part of the holiday, now that her boss has cut her wage back down to minimum my gf now will have trouble affording it, they had a family meeting and her mum stated that my gf never said no to the holiday. my gf called her mother out by saing "if i was booking a holiday for £600 i would make sure i got a definite yes before putting myself in that much debt and making sure i would be able to be paid back" they have a very strained relationship as it is as her mother smothers her and she hates being at home, always having double standards and contradictory rules for the other siblings, its unfair. her mum even tries to manipulate me by saying my gf said hurtful things about me, suggesting she is cheating on me with her ex bf when my gf says they are just friends, and had a shouting match infront of me about it and a few other issues, any suggestions on how to deal with this nightmare woman and to help remove her claws from my gf? iv suggested moving out next year, but the gf now wont have the funds as shes being forced to go on holiday with the family :/ help! :s
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debt, drunk, her ex, jealous, money, on holiday, one night stand, std Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 December 2009): Well dude what can I say, it seems to me like what her mother says to her is a hell of a lot more important to her than your relationship.Normally I'd say to you tell her she's gonna have to either cut the cord or it's game over for you guys but it seems to me that the relationship is most probably invalid anyway mate.NO ONE NEEDS TO BE CHECKED FOR STI's UNLESS THEY HAVE REASON TO THINK THEY HAVE ONE.now if you were both clean when you got together and she's adamant that she wants one, then my assumption is she's been getting dicked of some other dude.If I Was You I'd Tell Her To Do One And Find A Chick Thats Reliable And Free From Parental Issues, At 22 Thats Just damn lame !!.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 December 2009): Female anon here again! Just though I'd pitch in again now that more information is on the table.
If you and your girlfriend want to get your own place thats sounds like a good plan. Now for the money that is spent on a trip, she could either try to cancel that trip and have the money back (although the 600 can only last for so long), or the two of you wait it out a little longer until you are both finacially prepared.
As for the STD testing, who knows why your gf waited 9 months before raising the question. You'll have to ask her that. Maybe she didn't think about it before and someone talked to her about it, or she saw a commercial or something, could be multiple reasons. And instead of us trying to guess at why she wants this after 9 months, you'll have to ask her. I understand you are worried perhaps she has cheated on you, but then again she wouldn't have had to tell you she wanted to get tested, so that theory doesn't sound right to me.
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A
male
reader, Anadin +, writes (11 December 2009):
Anadin is verified as being by the original poster of the question to female reader annonymous
I am not living alone, i am still with my parents, i like the idea of living on my own, and that is an idea i have explored, unfortunatly, i fall a ittle short when it comes to having money to move out, i can pay for the rent and half of the estimated bills (according to estate agents), told my gf of my intentions and she suggested she move in with me to help pay the other half of the bills and a little food, and for her to get away from her family, but the holiday will be taking up her spare funds now instead of being able to help with some bills and food.
I have been keeping my mouth close with regards to mother dearest and placating her by either keeping silent or aovoinding retaliating to provokative questions.
with regards to sexual history, i have had 2 partners before this one, both where virgins, she is my third sexual partner, and the one night stand was a first time thing for me. after i left my ex, i got tested for STD's 3 months after the relationship ended and that came back clean. i mention being clean in the origeonal post. however i agree with you in the fact that std's can take a while to surface and should probably sugest going with her. Like you point out, theres no harm in it and its good to play it safe. never thought her bringing it up to me would be a hint for me to get tested with her...still a little bit concerned about 9 months in though, does anyone have other opinions? thanks guys :)
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 December 2009): "the gf now wont have the funds as shes being forced to go on holiday with the family" How so? Moving out costs more that 600 pounds. She'll need not founds, but a stable and tolerable income. Renting your own place costs so and so much every month, not an upfront pay for the entire year. At least that's how things work from what I know.
Are you living on your own? It doesn't sounds like it. I will suggest that if you want to live alone then you should move out from your moms, or where it is you live, and get your own place. Worry about if you can afford a place, not if she can. Then when you have your own place, the two of you at least have a hiding spot away from her mother. And then if she gets up on her own two feet she could look for a place with you. It would however be a benefit if you get some experience of living alone before you pull her into it with you. Living alone for the first time takes some getting used to.
As for her mother, its your gf who needs to deal with her. Yes the mother is horrible. So just try to hang around the mother as little as possible. Don't get into fights with her, just ignore her all-together, its for the best if you do. I know it can be hard to keep the cool, but do try.
Your gf wants to be tested. Thats good of her. She takes care of herself. I wonder why she'd tell you she's planning on doing that though. It's not like she needs your permission. Perhaps it's a hint, she wants you to get tested as well? Not that she doesn't trust you, but she could be one of those people who is better save than sorry, and perhaps she's (and with good reason too) terrified of getting an STD and is super super careful. 9 months into it could be "late", but it could also be a good time to check. Some STD's take time before they show. Also, you didn't say anything about your sexual past? Did you get tested? Were you a virgin (I doubt that since you met her at a one night stand). Even if you didn't get any signs of an STD you could still be a carrier. I think you should offer to go with her to get tested. Just to assure her. The doctor will also ask her why she feels she should get tested, and even if she trusts you, and you've been dating 9 months, could be she just wants to get tested for every partner she has and now it was your turn. The doctor will most likely agree to this being a good idea.
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