A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: Lets assume I'm an idiot and a hypocrite. But... Should i be concerned about a gal who had six months of promiscuity. That is hooking up her senior year of college with guys she knew in six months. It's uncharecteristic of me but its getting me very bummed out. Any insight would help. PS other than another boyfriend (who she dated for four years) that's her extent sexually. I've been with more so its not a question of different experiences but mine was drawn out over ten years (30 ish) Is her experience common amongst attractive girls that were late bloomers?she started senior year of college after her first boyfriend of two years who she lost her virginity to. I wish I could get over this and don't wanna mention this to her as its clearly my issue. I'm sorry to bother you with this frivolous level of issues but your response can help me a great deal. Thank you PS I think the cause is my issues of loving her more than anyone I've ever met but other womens experience in the matter would really help and a thoughtfull response could honestly change my life for the better. I appreciate your time and consideration. TM
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 October 2009): Hijacked dignity said "only when the person's past negatively influences the present is when you have something to worry about."
Isn't that exactly what is going on here?
Do his hurt feelings not count?
A
female
reader, hijacked_dignity +, writes (15 October 2009):
 In my honest experience with friends, her sexual behavior is quite typical. Once she breaks out of a relationship with her first, she then sleeps with multiple partners with no strings attached. I think the mentality here is that she has already lost her virginity to someone who ended up not being the one, so why hold off sex for the sake of a relationship or love? It's a bit of a downer to be honest when you lose so much for one person (your first), and in the end things don't work out. So the rebound sex with multiple partners begins.
I don't know why exactly you are concerned with her past however. Do you think that she'll go back to being promiscuous while with you? This girl seems smart, seeing as she settled down with a guy who seems to have her best interests at heart (aka you!). The fact that she messed around for six months shows that she was at least mature enough not to want another boyfriend to fill that void her ex left. Instead she wanted time to explore her sexuality. The fact that phase ended and she waited to have a serious commitment with someone only after she was ready shows a great sign of maturity. And hey, it happened to be you.
I'm sure you know that worrying about her past is a bit hypocritical in light of yours, should she be worried about your past? I'm assuming the answer is no, so why does hers make things any different? The past is the past. I'm assuming she doesn't have a history of cheating, so really, I wouldn't worry about it. Everyone has their past. Only when someone's past negatively influences the present is when you have something to worry about, which doesn't sound like the case here.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 October 2009): Yes, you should be concerned. It's not just the number but how that number came to be. Everything happens for a reason and her behavior has already triggered an alarm in your head. This girl is promiscuous, period. You know it and i know it. Do you honestly want to be with her? What would your advice be if i came to you with a similar question? My advice is to trust your gut and don't mess with promiscuous women. They are not to be taken seriously.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 October 2009): Hey, it's cool you see it as your problem and that you haven't brought this up with her. There are so many messages from guys, similar to your situation but most of them have ended up making the girl feel bad. Many women already feel like they will be judged for their sexual history and their boyfriend starts to criticise them for it, it can be the worst feeling ever and is definitely a recipe for ruining what could have been an amazing relationship.
I think dude like you say you are well in to this girl, so you feel more jealous about having had to "share" her with anyone else. You seem like you are quite strong and self-reasoning so I think if you can continue on this path and give it more time, you will get over it. Look out for signs that negative thinking is changing your perception of her, keep on the positive, the future. Be glad that she has had a little experience - it means she is much more likely to want to find one special person who she can settle down with. Enjoy your relationship and make the most of it everyday.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 October 2009): Hi
As you admittedly say that your experience vast exceeds hers, are you really of the opinion that her past will interfere with her future with you? Or, do you think that because of her adventures in college, she would want to be with other guys?
Look, what happens in college is something very different from the real life scenario. People experiment in college, they try a whole host of things and that is all essential in their quest for self.
Now, as you mention, it is clearly your issue. But, not in the terms you think.
You see, I am of the opinion that perhaps her past has in intimidated you in some way. I think some deep soul searching is needed here.
Of course, I would wait for some male opinion too, if I were you.
You know, we women wait for that one man and that one great love, the man to whom we mean more than anything... and we want him to love us completely. I am glad that you feel so deeply for her, and really it is great. But, as I have told you that perhaps this issue reflects more on you than her. Are you of the opinion that what if you don't satisfy her in the bedroom? Or do you think that perhaps she will get bored being monogamous and would leave you for a better variety out there? If that is what you think, then let me tell you, your fears are quite unfounded and no, there is no such thing as a late bloomer wanting to make up with promiscuity. Unless of course you are Casanova. And women generally (at least of what I know) want security and stability in life and would rather be in a deep meaningful relationship than with a string of meaningless one night stands, and so would men (unless there is something wrong with either). So, really, don't worry. It is all in the past and that is exactly where it belongs. Love her, give her acceptance, respect etc. It will be for the best. Personally, until I met my man, I used to date a lot of guys (but I too was a late bloomer, being too occupied with academics). No one thought that I could ever be happy with one man, but I have been with him for over a year, and am most happy. SO, I hope that answers your question.
Don't worry okay!
Best of Luck
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 October 2009): Dude,
You like her more than any other girland wouldlike her to be in your eyes perfect.
As long as it feels right for you then you shouldnt worry about having sex. So in that light I wouldnt get upset about it. Rather realise that she is a woman and in much the same way as you are a man he will have done things in the past which felt right at the time but which she would likely not consider doing now.
No need to make a big deal of it , just leave it be.
I hope this helps.
Elpigaro
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