A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I have been dating for a year. We are both in our 30's, never married before and have no children. We live about 40 mins apart. Here is what bothers me. His house is quite dirty from having 2 large dogs(160LBS) inside that shed, they track in dirt, grass ect. He lets the one sleep in his bed so its generally dirty/stinky. And then it gets dirty from just day to day living. He rarely cleans or sweeps. So you can imagine the hair and dirt that piles up. He thinks that I should clean for him!! He has mentioned this quite a few times. "oh, I thought while I was working today you would come over and clean my house". Here is the thing...I have done A LOT for him. Rather it be cleaning here and there, run errands,do dishes, paint, change bedding, cook ect. I like to help out when I feel its appreciated. But his comments about me coming over on my day off to clean for him just have not settled well with me. I mean, why does he feel entitled to that? It is not like he spends his free time at my place doing chores for me. He said it is because he knows the mess bothers me so there for I should clean it. Well I don't really want to spend me free time driving to his house 40 mins away and cleaning after him and his two large dogs. It just irritates me. What do you think? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, 02DuszJ  +, writes (18 November 2015):
 That's pretty crap behaviour on many levels..1. That house sounds GROSS..- I'm not even a particularly clean person, I drink out of the same mug a few times but I do clean- even WITHOUT dogs things get dirty :/What a DEROGATORY comment- that's sheer cheek! He just sounds like a Neanderthal haha. Slobby dirty while woman cleans... lol...He's pushing his luck- I think this comment shows his pig- headed mentality - would he be doing this after a few months of you both dating?? Probably not because he knows he probably wouldn't be able to get away with it - but hey, give it a year,.. Don't let it become the norm, cos it's outrageous! A year isn't that long... I would seriously consider longing this guy off... But that's me... I think it's just really disrespectful and he would have to do something pretty massive to show me that he doesn't just see me as a house cleaner... Good luck..
A
female
reader, Pureflame  +, writes (16 November 2015):
Unfortunately..thats exactly what he is treating you as...
I suggest having a clear conversation with him rather than speculating. If you hurt his feelings you can apologise and tell him you do not like being treated that way.
In my opinion it's better to get it sorted out. And no, I wouldn't do any of the things you did for him if he "expects" you to do them. He needs to take efforts too.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (16 November 2015):
 OH HELL NO!
I'm sorry but that is just NOT acceptable at all. One thing is to surprise him with helping out... but for him to TELL you that YOU should do this because YOU find his house nasty (which, no doubt it is) is the most buffoonish entitled trite I have ever heard! Seriously!
It would make me NOT want to do SIMPLE little things for him as well, because sooner or later he will take you doing everything/anything for granted. To a point he already is taking you for granted. Expecting YOU to spend your day of cleaning his pig-sty! I'm SURE he doesn't work 7 days a week, so he HAS days off where he can CLEAN his nasty house himself.
You are his GF, he should WANT to have his house CLEAN enough that he can entertain you there. After all, I get that because of his two dogs you two mainly spend time there so the dogs aren't left alone overnight to often, but THAT is on him to keep HIS house. YOU are not the maid, the mom or the free cleaning lady, who runs around behind him picking up, cleaning and dusting.
He might not care about sleeping in dog-drool, dog-hair, maybe the occasional dirt, feces and fleas, but maybe you do...
I love dogs. I love cats. But that doesn't mean I love having cat (dog) hair in my food, in my face, on my clothes. Nor do want to sleep in a dirty bed. Eww.
Why didn't you ask him if he was kidding? Because I would have. And if he was serious, I'd tell him THAT is a problem for me.
You BF is nasty in the way he lives, maybe he is used to his mom cleaning up after him... maybe... that is why he has been single till he met you, because other women didn't want to date a man who CHOOSES to live in a pig-sty.
Now mind you, I might sound harsh but I can not stand germs/dirt. Actually I'm sitting cringing at the thought of him letting a big dog sleep in his bed, the SAME bed he makes love to you in?! I am OCD (and germs is one of the things I have some issues with, so maybe I AM a little over the top, but I feel like going to go wash my hands just at the thought).
Ewww, just eww, is what I think.
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