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female
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anonymous
writes: Hi there. Yesterday I found a condom in my bf's wallet and it has really been bothering me. I'm still a virgin so that's why I found it strange. He told me that it was not for another girl and that he just had it in case something would happen. I'm trying to believe him but I can't help to worry. I've been feeling very insecure lately due to something he told me that happened 8 months ago. A girl that had a crush on him kissed him and he pushed her back, but after about 10 minutes! He said he got caught in the moment. Tho we only had couple of weeks in our realtionship it really hurted me. I told him that i'm afraid he breaks my heart and he says he wont cheat on me. But I just can't help it to feel very afraid and jealous when he goes out and get very supicious when he talks on the phone or talks with girls. Should I be worried about the condom issue? And how can I be less insecure?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 March 2006): I agree with everyone else that you do have to be able to trust him and his explanation is really fine. However, because I am the suspicious sort (probably low self esteem plus the fact that I caught my ex boyfriend!) I may be tempted to audit the condom. I may just put a tiny pen mark on the packet somewhere, a permanent marker dot perhaps, just to make sure that it is always the same one. Check it in a month. If it is still the same forget all about it, be happy and don't doubt the poor man again.
A
female
reader, smeedle  +, writes (17 March 2006):
 You need to remember that he told you about the kissing incident and in detail by all accounts which is honest and shows that he wants honesty in the relationship.
He is with you and this shows he has feelings for you, if he was seeing other girls why not finish with you first as he is not married to you.
I would always be suspiciouse of a condom in a wallet but his explanations seems to make sense and you just have to trust it as you will never know if he is lying and sounds like he is telling the truth.
We all put our hearts on the line when we enter any relationship and this makes us vulnerable, you will get your heart broken lots of times during your life time and you will find great happiness, with one comes the other so there is no good to be had trying to keep your heart safe it just does not work that way.
There is also no magic pill for getting more self confident, this comes again with the years and with all of lifes ups and downs, we become stronger and more self confident as we pass through life, some people are more confident at an early age, others take longer, but the key is to like yourself and to be happy with yourself, this gives you an inner confidence and a good firm building block.
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A
female
reader, Bev Conolly  +, writes (17 March 2006):
 I'm generally of the opinion that you give people the benefit of the doubt, unless you have some pretty solid evidence of a lie.
In this case, he's carrying a condom, which he said is not for anyone else. End of story.
You don't have any sort of recent evidence of him cheating, so I'd take him at his word. The fact that he's carrying a condom at all means that he wants to be ready when you are, and that he's thinking ahead. Those are good qualities in a person.
Try not to get yourself into a spin over your own insecurities. After all, no one can control another person's behaviour. No matter what you do, the most you can do is *influence* someone. If he's going to cheat with another girl, all the worrying in the world won't prevent it. But more importantly, if he doesn't plan on cheating, your worrying hurts you both and, ultimately, hurts your relationship with him.
So give yourself a rest and assume that he's being truthful.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 March 2006): Kissing another girl is pretty bad, but the fact that he told you right away and hasn't repeated, along with the fact that you guys hand't been dating long, somewhat redeems it. It's your choice whether you can forgive him, but I say go for it.
The condom, however, is entirely responsible on his part.
You should be comforted that your boyfriend is the kind of person who takes his and your health/future seriously. Any responsible adult should carry protection with them, because sex can strike when you least expect it, and its those unexpected instances where people tend to screw up and get pregnant for lack of planning. This isn't to say that your boyfriend is looking to nail anything that comes his way, the condom is, indeed, probably destined for you if and when you tell him you are ready to have sex. Because as of right now, that's unconfirmed, so he's just taking precaution.
In short, that condom means he respects you and your body, and that he does indeed care about you. That ought to help you feel a little more secure.
Good luck.
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