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female
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anonymous
writes: I'm a married women and have been separated for six months. My husband I are still seeing a counselor but we argue constantly and he is still under the impression that everything is going to work out and I'm moving home soon. Which under the right circumstances I would love too, but damn I can't take the constant bickering. He waited to work on 12 year marriage that I was trying to help save all along until I moved out. He tells me that he argues with me because he is insecure and if I would just come home he assures me that it will stop. He is even resorting to bribing me with extravigant gifts. I afraid it is too late for me because I have so much resentment in the fact that he waited for me to leave to want to work things out. In the meantime about four months ago I started seeing a guy that works for my company. He knows the situation that I'm in, but things are starting to get serious. I really am falling in love with him, and we have a great time together no matter what we do.He would love for our relationship to develop and has encouraged me to end things with my husband.I really don't want to hurt either guy. Do I continue to work on a marriage that seems over for me and only me or do I pursue a new fling that may be a real chance at happiness. My kids are grown and have even told me if I dont go back home that they wont be able to support me in my future relationships. By the way I havent told my husband about the new guy in an effort to prevent further insecurity.PLEASE HELP!!!!
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female
reader, smeedle  +, writes (17 March 2006):
 You need to wake up to the fact that you are going to hurt your ex and that the marriage is well and truely over, hurting someone is inevitable in these circumstances.
You have done your best to save the marriage and this is not and has not worked, why prolong the agony for all of you.
We all deserve happiness in this our one life and to be unhappy and in a marriage that is making you thus is like a cancer that will spread and spread until you cut it out, resentment will continue to build and you will one day wake up hating each other and realise you have just prolonged the inevitable.
Your kids are grown up so there negativity to this issue only shows there ignorence and selfishness, with time they will come around but for now just tell them you love them but are still ending the marriage.
Tell your husband as soon as possible and start the divorce proceedings so he clearely gets the right message as you really do not want to hurt him anymore that is necessary but you do need him to understand that there is no hope of reconsilliation at all.
You will at some near stage need to tell him about the new guy as to find out from someone else would hurt more, but you need to also be taking things slowly with the new bloke and make sure you are not just going from one relationship to another, time for yourself to be single is a good thing and makes sure that you are fully over the marriage and not on the rebound.
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