A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:About a month and a half ago, I was at a local bar with my best friend and his younger sister and her friend. One of their guy friends came over to the table. I will call him Michael. I had seen him around before and thought he was good looking but never really knew who he was. That night, we began talking and having a lot of fun and laughing at a lot of each others horrible jokes. I was very intrigued by him. Later in the evening, I told him I had just broken up recently with my ex, who I will call Lucas. Michael said he knew Lucas and respected him and was happy I told him because he was going to back off. Right away, I was a bit disappointed.We saw each other around here and there, exchanged a couple words each time but in my head nothing was going to happen.Last weekend, I was quite intoxicated at a local pub when I saw him come it. Having some liquid courage I pinched his butt. He turned around and we began talking and dancing like maniacs and I was enjoying myself so much. He started talking really close to my face then went in for a kiss. I pulled away for a second and said, "I thought you respected Michael?" and he replied, "Yeah, but I saw he's in a new relationship today on Facebook so that kind of makes you off limits". So we continued dancing and kissing, left the bar, kissed in the backseat then both went home.The next evening, we were messaging each other and he invited me over.I went over and we watched a bunch of movies. We laid in his bed and things got a little sexual. We did not have sex but did all else. He was very affectionate with me and kept grabbing me and I just felt so happy to be around him. We talked a bit and I really was enjoying him as a person.My ex found out I was there, and to my surprise the relationship was just a fake one that him and his friends put on their profiles to make me jealous, and he sent Michael some messages.Since leaving his house, he's barely made an attempt to talk to me.I know my ex has said really horrible things about me to one person I dated last summer while we were broken up for a couple months, so I know he probably said some nasty stuff from Michael.So my question is, should I back off and forget about him? Wait til I run into him? Try to talk to him? I really like this guy and I'm very disappointed this happened. I want to hang out again. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. I want to know how I can make him want me.
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female
reader, like I see it  +, writes (28 February 2014):
 I'm sorry to say you are probably best off leaving Michael alone.
Your ex has shown himself to be very rude and childish by illustrating so clearly that he intends to be a source of drama in any potential relationship between you and Michael. That in itself might not be a deal-breaker but Michael would have to really want a relationship with you to invite that kind of fallout from someone he knows and at least used to respect (I would assume the drama has damaged their friendship.)
Unfortunately, chances are you didn't really set yourself up as girlfriend material in Michael's eyes by getting physical with him so quickly. You say the two of you did everything but sex, which leaves him with a lot of gratification that's already happened and not a whole lot to view as a future reward for continuing to pursue you, whatever drama may come with it. It may not be right or fair of him to judge you easy for acts that he too participated in and enjoyed, but that double standard is unfortunately still around and may be partly to blame for why you haven't heard from him.
Honestly? I'd ignore them both and date again when you feel ready. Block your ex on Facebook while you're at it so he can't spy on you or play games.
Good luck and best wishes :)
A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 February 2014): You serve as a prime example as to why I advise people they should avoid people who have recently broken-up a relationship.
There is unfinished business and drama. Innocent people get sucked into nonsense, violence, and terrible verbal exchanges between couples who haven't gotten their sh*t together. No one deserves that. Michael was wise to back-off and your "drunken" approach spoke for itself. It didn't take any comment from Lucas. It's just too soon!
Control your public behavior while under the influence of alcohol. You can get yourself into some dangerous situations. Even risk your health, if you have unprotected sex. It's okay to dance, party, and enjoy yourself; but if you decide to go home with someone, be sure you are able to make decisions without being impaired by intoxication.
Yes, you should back off Michael. I strongly advise you to cool things down until you have things under control with Lucas. You shouldn't get too emotionally attached with anyone until you have yourself had time to get over your last relationship. Date and go out, but make sure to stay far from your ex's circle of friends. You've seen what will happen. You were warned and still went after the guy. Mainly to be vindictive. I find it hard to believe it was just incidental.
Don't play Michael on the rebound just to get back at your ex. You can construct your post to look like all is innocent; but I'm not foolish. I see exactly where there is going, and can predict how it will end. The outlook isn't good for Michael.
If I were Michael, I'd stay away from this messy situation.
It could blow up in his face.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (28 February 2014):
 I would leave him be. He is trying to do the right thing "as per bro-code" and not date his friend's ex. However, he thought it was OK to see you if your EX was dating again?
I would be polite when you run into him, but don't chase him and don't get drunk so you can pretend hitting on him isn't fully what you want.
I think your ex and his mates are pretty immature and petty. And if "michael" is a friend too, who knows?
You have recently ended your last relationship so I would just enjoy friends and family without being on the hunt for the next BF.
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