A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I recently found out that my LDR boyfriend have been pretending to be single. The girl he was talking to (I don't know her) messaged me out of the blue and sent me screenshots of texts where my boyfriend is claiming to be single and asking her out. My boyfriend has a long history with this girl, they were friends for 5 years and hooked up before he even met me. She sent me several texts screenshots where he is asking her out, asking her to meet him and listen to what he has to say. I also talked to her on the phone and she said that she met my boyfriend recently and had intimate moments while I was dating him. I confronted my boyfriend about it and he claims that he hasn't seen that girl in a year and that he was only texting her because he was bored. He also said that she is obsessed with him and still has feelings for him so she is trying to come between us and ruin our relationship. He didn't deny claiming to be single since I had proof but he denied cheating on me with her or with any other girl. I told him that I lost trust in him and that I can't believe him anymore after being betrayed. He apologized sincerely and promised to never lie to me nor to hide anything from me in the future and we talked it through, we both are very in love with each other so I decided to give him a second chance and made it clear that I will break up with him if he lies to me one more time about anything. I am still in the process of learning how to trust him again and we are both working on overcoming this trust issue.Few days later, he started having dreams about me cheating on him? This clearly shows that we have unresolved issues and to me it could mean two things. He is either very insecure now that I lost trust in him so he thinks I will cheat on him. Or these cheating dreams are a reflection of his guilt, and would otherwise mean that he cheated on me so?What do you guys think?Thank you for your insights in advance.
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cheated on me, insecure, text Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (28 February 2014):
 Yep I'm going to bet on he cheated on you too.
And even if he didn't, he's texted her and he's lied to you and he is not to be trusted. YOU don't trust him any more... you will never be able to fix that.
LDRS work for older folks with money who can visit regular and have plans to end the distance within a year or two.
I think that ending it with him is better for you now. In the long run it's probably not going to work out anyway.
A
female
reader, sugarplum786  +, writes (28 February 2014):
 Honey, YOu really want to believe he did not meet this girl he was texting. If he was texting and asking to meet, he most likely did. This girl obviously wants you guys to break up but does not mean she is lying. We all blame the other woman but men are equally guilty. This relationship will end sooner or later I suggest you either let go or be prepared for this ending.
NB He is not dreaming anything, just trying to make you look guilty so he can feel better. What an ass.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 February 2014): Easiest post of the day. Dump him!!!
Find yourself someone close enough to share time and enjoy yourself.
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A
female
reader, PeanutButter +, writes (28 February 2014):
 Long distance relationships are hard, I was in one for 3 years but we had trust and there was never any question.
I don't think that this woman would have bothered to contact you if she wasn't interested in your guy, but I don't think she's lying either - your guy just didn't admit to cheating physically because you can't prove it but he had no choice but to admit to the other stuff!
I'm sorry to tell you but I think this relationship is about to go downhill fast if he is accusing you of cheating now because he had a dream about it - chances are he hasn't had a dream about it at all! Instead, what he IS doing, is shifting the focus of his bad behaviour and putting the onus on you, instead by suggesting the dreams of cheating!
I think you have to ask yourself a few questions like: How long are you going to be long distance, are you going to get to visit with him soon to get face time and actually see if there is still something there and is it worth keeping a relationship when the guy you love clearly wants to have his cake and eat it, because that is exactly what he is doing!?
You are young and have your whole life ahead of you,think about what is best for you and go from there!
Good luck x
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 February 2014): ". . . he claims that he hasn't seen that girl in a year and that he was only texting her because he was bored."Like any lying, cheating scumbag he is trying to avoid responsibility for his actions by making excuses."He also said that she is obsessed with him and still has feelings for him so she is trying to come between us and ruin our relationship."Like any lying, cheating scumbag he is trying to avoid responsibility for his actions by blaming someone else."He didn't deny claiming to be single since I had proof but he denied cheating on me with her or with any other girl."Like any lying, cheating scumbag he is only owning up to what you can prove and denying anything else with the scope of his denial covering all that he's actually guilty of doing, meaning she's not the only one. "He apologized sincerely and promised to never lie to me nor to hide anything from me in the future and we talked it through"Like any lying, cheating scumbag he told you what you wanted to hear in order to weasel his way back into your good graces."I decided to give him a second chance and made it clear that I will break up with him if he lies to me one more time about anything."Like any lying, cheating scumbag he now thinks he can get away with anything because all he has to do is offer insincere apologies and make false promises to get you to take him back the next time you catch him in the act of being a lying, cheating scumbag. "What do you guys think?"I think you're overlooking the obvious: he invented the dreams about you cheating on him because like any lying, cheating scumbag he wants to make excuses and avoid taking responsibility for his actions by finding any possible way to throw the guilt and blame back in your face, no matter how ridiculous and far-fetched a story he has to concoct in order to do so. I'm sorry, but I just don't understand how you can profess to "love" a guy who treats you with such contempt. You've seen his true colors and you've chosen to give him a pass. If you sincerely believe that he wasn't cheating on you (or actively trying) and/or he will stop pretending to be single to meet other girls in the future, then you are either naive, in denial, or just plain dumb (which is what I suspect bf is counting on). Men can't disrespect women who respect themselves.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (28 February 2014):
 Oh I'm sure he did cheat on you. If he was pretending to be single and meeting up with her and they've hooked up in the past, come on. He's a horrible liar. He's also an LDR - those are hard enough even with 100% faithfulness. The guy is a cheater.
He's dreaming about this because many women revenge cheat on a cheater. He knows he broke trust.
If I were you, I'd drop this LDR fast an find a guy locally. This relationship is beyond doomed.
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