A
female
age
30-35,
*ts9290
writes:Hey everyone, I need some adivce. I'll try and make this short and sweet and to the point. In March of this year, I was diagnosed with OCD, more specifically HOCD. It's been a problem ever since it started and while it's gotten better, it's not 100% better yet. When I think about my life before the on-set of OCD, I usually refer to it as the "before HOCD." I can literally look at pictures of myself and be like, "Wow, that was me before HOCD, I wish I could be like that again."You should also know that I have happily been with my boyfriend for almost 4 years and have considered spending the rest of my life with him. I love him so much and he even knows about my HOCD and supports me and stayed with on the phone all the sleepless nights and crying spells. On top of having HOCD, I go to an all women's college where the bi, gay, lesbian community is extremely prominant. In addition to all of that, I used to masturbate to lesbian porn. Unfortunately, I was exposed to pornography at a very young age. My parents got divorced when I was about 10 and we went back and forth from house to house. My dad, not the best dad in the world, used to hide his porn magazines under his couch (where I slept) and left porn tapes in the VCR. I, as a young child, was "curious" and looked at them.Eventually, it led to looking up porn online and learning how to masturbate at a very young age. It makes me sick to think about it now and it makes me hate my father for being so ignorant. So on and on, I continued to masturbate to lesbian porn and "regular" porn and never once thought I was gay or felt guilty about doing it. I did it solely to have an orgasm and masturbate. Until HOCD hit and I felt so guilty and started to question my sexuality.I immediately stopped watching porn all together. I feel dirty and guilty when I look back on what I did. I don't really know what to do now...I'm still with my man and I've never once been attracted to a girl. But now, everytime I look at a girl I feel guilty and I avoid hanging out with people who are gay. Any advice? Please and thank you so much in advance.
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 November 2009): i was in the same boat as you with the looking at lesbian porn thing. however i saw this article (i can't remember where but it seemed credible) that both men and women are aroused/attracted to other women because it has something to do with womens fertility. i do not think you should feel guilty by this at all and i would not avoid hanging with lesbians because it's not like lesbianism is contagious. Lastly, even if you were attracted to women whats the harm it that??? hope this helps!
A
female
reader, openmind +, writes (30 October 2009):
I dont think being near gay people has anything to do with it. Porn is meant to be erotic it is meant to turn you on and its intention is self pleasuring. If it is any consolation to you and hopefully i do not offend you by giving you advice but i am gay and i masterbate to strait porn all the time. If you are uncomfy with what happened in the past then staying away from porn is your solution not avoiding people with different sexualities than yourself. If you have never and still are not attracted to women than being near lesbians wont harm you. Hope this helped good luck
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 October 2009): First off it is bad that you had to see that at such a young age but the important thing is that you know its not wrong or dirty to pleasure yourself. You have a great boyfriend and you know you are not gay. Just stay away from situations where girls can come on to you. Dont let anyone talk you into doing something you dont want to do. Hopefully you graduate or get out of the school soon. Maybe go to church to remind you that you want a family with a guy even if its not with this one. You dont have to hang out with gay people its your choice. Its not wrong. Theres no need to watch porn when you have a boyfriend. Take a break from it all and get your head together. Surround yourself with girls who like men. I dont know one gay person we hang out with couples who are like us and/or have kids. We find hobbies to do together. We dont drink and go to bars where you have gay and straight people hitting on you. You will be fine. no worries sounds like your life is going well now so be happy.
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