A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:To set this up, I have little experience dating. I went through years of not even trying to date. But I've decided to turn over a new leaf and put myself out there. I decided to try online dating and have corresponded with some nice guys that way. I went out on a few dates, but nothing serious has come of it.. yet.Then I met a really great guy who lives a few hours from me. We have a lot in common. We've emailed each other practically everday and talked on the phone. It's very easy to talk to him and I really like him. We decided to set up our first face-to-face date. Then I got a message from him telling me he suffers from extreme social anxiety and can't do it. He hasn't said whether he can never meet me, or just at the time we had chosen. Things were weird between us for a bit, but now we've gotten back to emaiing and calling again. I still really like him, but should I attempt to pursue something with a guy who is shy about meeting in person? I don't want to bother him about it, but I do hope if I put time and effort into getting to know somebody, we can at least meet in person someday!
View related questions:
shy Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, dearkelja  +, writes (29 February 2008):
 This is a tough one. If he is that shy about meeting you in person it could be an ongoing issue. It could also be that once he is comfortable with you, he'd be ok. But lets look at the bigger picture. He will go through this most likely in every social situation, meeting your family, meeting your co-workers. He won't enjoy really any social situation. He might be a great guy but you have to decide if you want a project like this as it will affect other parts of your life as well. Maybe he is seeking help for this issue too.
I can see that you would feel awkward bringing this up to him again since things seem to be fine again. Maybe keep your options open but continue to pursue this to see if there is any progression.
On-line dating bring about many risks as well. It could also be that he is fearful of meeting you because he isn't who he said he is? I'm not saying this is true but just keep your eyes open for other possibilities for why he doesn't want to meet.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 February 2008): I think if you have any hope, you obviously have to meet at some point! Have you talked with him about his anxiety? Like, extensively? I bet if you make him feel comfortable telling you all about it, how it's affected his life and still does, his fears and hopes, etc., then maybe you'll be able to help him get past it...But if he never wants to meet, or keeps putting it off, you have to ask yourself: is this good enough for me? Am I satisfied with having a bf over the phone/internet? I would bet that's not enough... so if he can never meet you, then he needs to get help and you should move on with your life and find someone who is willing to face their fears for you, no matter how difficult. (By the way, I'm not saying you need to be mean to this guy or not talk to him any more, but maybe not as often and don't share quite as much, so you don't get attached and remain disappointed and closed off to other opportunities.Bottom line, communication is key. So is honesty. Just take it a step at a time and trust your intuition.Good luck!
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 February 2008): I had a friend who had sociophobia. He met people online, but then Idk how severe this guy's case is. Ask him about it. Ask him when would be a good time to meet.
If he doesn't want to meet, maybe he can just be a really cool friend! Have you seen each other on webcam?
I have a bf now that I met from online, and we have been going out for seven months and many days now.
...............................
|
